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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off the Ice – Part V, Mexico City

Get caught up on what you’ve missed thus far:

Click here for Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off The Ice – Part I

Click here for Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off The Ice – Part II

Click here for Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off The Ice – Part III

Click here for Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off The Ice – Part IV

Thanks to Luis Mendoza’s cartel connections, the team makes their way into Mexico City in trucks made of guns and money. They get to Coach Bombay’s house and are surprised to find that he’s done very well for himself south of the border. He lives in a beautiful mansion with everything you’d expect to see in a movie: Lush vegetation, fountains, servants, and statues of dogs or gargoyles or something having to do with Mexican Folklore. Bombay sees that they have arrived and walks out front to welcome them. He’s smoking a cigar.

Bombay: “I’ll be damned…if it isn’t the Mighty Ducks. You guys want some tacos? I’m just kidding, I don’t have any tacos.”

They all walk over and give their coach a warm embrace. Charlie is especially glad to see the man that took him under his wing, made him almost great, and hooked up with his mom.

Charlie: “It’s been a long time, coach. I’m sorry my first visit is under such ridiculous circumstances.”

Bombay: “Me too, Charlie. But hey, like we always said, “Once a team, always a team.”

Charlie: “I don’t think we ever said that, coach…”

Bombay: “Well, we should start then.”

Everyone gathers their gear and makes their way into the mansion to start strategizing their game-plan. They play in three days, so there’s not a lot of time to get ready.

Charlie suggests that the first thing they should do is get an idea of what exactly they’re up against, so they make their way over to the Mexico City Ice Arena/Cantina to scout out the competition.

As soon as they walk in the room the tensions are thick. Not only is it a group of random gringos in a Mexico City ice rink/cantina, but everyone there knows who they are. They know that they’re Senor Bombay’s team, and the only people that stand in the way of them locking down the missing link to a championship underground ice hockey season. Everyone is feeling a little uneasy, except for Charlie Conway Jr. because he’s only 15 and too young to realize the awkward tension.

The team makes their way through the cantina and into the rink. They are stunned at what they see.

Inside the rink is a cartel-funded team of Mexican hockey juice-heads. The league obviously has no drug screening regulations so every team is roided-up like the Rock in “Fast 5.” Charlie can sense their fear so he, being their captain and leader, decides to make an impromptu speech.

Charlie: “You guys look scared…but I’m not sure why. It’s not like we’re not used to being the underdogs. Do you not remember when we had to play the Hawks? A team much more experienced and talented than we were. Or maybe you all remember when we went from being world champions to a high school where we weren’t even good enough to play varsity? But that didn’t stop us. Ducks aren’t known for their size or strength. No, they’re known for their love of bread crumbs, and their ability to work as a team. Sure, they’re bigger than we are, and probably faster and in better shape. They probably train day-in and day-out, with ridiculous weight-lifting schedules since they practically have super-human strength. But you know what they don’t have…They don’t have history. And they don’t have these…”

Just then, Charlie pulls out a brand-new Mighty Ducks jersey from his backpack. It’s all black and has the face of an angry mallard on the front with a tattooed face that says, “Duck On These.”

Charlie remembered that a well-timed uniform change was all the ducks needed to overcome adversity in the past, and this time is no different. He pulls jersey’s out for the rest of the team and restores in them a new confidence and energy. Coach Bombay is the last one to take his jersey and as he does, he gives the final word:

Bombay: “It seems like just yesterday I was coaching you guys due to court-ordered community service. Who would’ve thought that 30 years later my D.W.I. would end up being what saves the love of my life from Mexican drug lords. I’m damn proud of all of you. Especially you, Fulton.”

Fulton gives the coach an affirming nod, and the team exits the rink/cantina. By the end of it, they didn’t really do much scouting, but that’s OK. They bonded as a full team for the first time in 25 years, and it was exactly what they needed. They have a decent idea of what they’re up against and come three days from now, they’ll be ready.

But will they really be ready…?

Click here for Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off The Ice – Part VI

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