Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off the Ice – Part IX

To get caught up on the Mighty Ducks 4 read: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, and Part VIII

It’s time for opening face off. Charlie Conway makes his way out onto center ice where he’s met by an opposing player twice his size, eyes red and veins popping out like a dang plasma center.

Charlie looks his opponent straight in the eyes, unwavering as the ref gets ready to drop the puck. There’s raucous noise coming from the stands, but Charlie doesn’t even notice. He stays focussed on the puck, but then he does notice something.

It’s the puck. Something isn’t right about it. Then it hits him, the puck isn’t made of rubber, it’s made of… it’s… it’s a bomb!

OH NO! The cartel leaders are making them play with a puck-bomb that can only be detonated by a remote control inside of a briefcase! What a twist! There’s definitely no way that anybody saw this coming!

Even if the Ducks win the game, they’ll just get blown up, and everyone in the stands will probably die too because of the crappy materials used to build the ice-rink/cantina (taco shells). Charlie! What are you going to do?

Charlie’s inner monologue (narrated by Jon Hamm): Alright Whitman, just remain calm. You’ve been here before. Remember when Betty found all your secrets packed away in your office droor? This can’t be any worse than that. Who’s Betty? What? Betty, Betty Draper, your wife. Dammit Jon, this is D4, not Mad Men. Oh, wow, this is embarrassing. OK well, let’s take it again (we ran out of money during post-production because we spent it all to get Jon Hamm so we couldn’t edit that bad audio out).

Charlie’s inner monologue (narrated by Jon Hamm) take 2: Alright Chuck, just remain calm. You’ve been here before. Remember when it looked like the agency was going bankrupt but then you, Sterling, Cooper and Pete saved the day? This can’t be any worse than… (Jon Hamm was fired from the set of D4. Due to budget issues, we could only hire Jamie Kennedy to do this one voice-over scene).

Charlie’s inner monologue (narrated by Jamie Kennedy) take 1: YO YO YO YO YOOOOO!!!! This be crazy, man. This dude all like big n’ stuff. Keep it together, homie. Remember when team Iceland was all like good and big and stuff? It’s just like that, and that was like totally cool at the end n’ stuff, yo.

Charlie has a plan, and he’s confident it will work. All he has to do is play solid, fundamental hockey. If he and the Ducks can posses the puck, they not only control the game, they control the cartel bosses.

It’s classic Bombay-style hockey only this time, they’re not just playing for a trophy… they’re playing for their lives. The ref drops the puck onto center ice. The game starts. It’s the beginning of the end.

And now for the final chapter…

Click here for Mighty Ducks 4: Life Off The Ice – Part X: “The Grand Finale”