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Monday, March 18, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Mid-Season NFL Awards

We’re halfway through the 2011 NFL regular season. Here are our NFL awards for the first half:

Most Valuable Player

Greg Jennings, Green Bay Packers. Without question, the most valuable player this year has been Greg Jennings. He put the undefeated Packers on his back and carried them to an almost certain #1 seed in the NFC. Many would say “wait a second, Aaron Rodgers should be the MVP so far this year!” Just because Aaron Rodgers tossed him all 48 of his receptions and all 6 of his touchdowns doesn’t mean he should be the MVP.  Let me state this one more time… Greg Jennings placed the team on his back.  Need I say more? [Honorable mention: Peyton Manning]

Most Overpayed Player

Chris Johnson, Tennessee Titans. The Titans running back inked one of the most lucrative deals in NFL history just before the season started.  It must be difficult for CJ to run like he used to, with all that cash is stuffed in his football pants. He’s made over $25,000 per yard this season. He’s playing so poorly, he makes the Albert Haynesworth seem like an overachiever.

Least Valuable Coach

Todd Haley, Kansas City Chiefs. He isn’t the losing-est coach of the first half (coughJimCaldwellcough). He hasn’t made the most bonehead trade either (coughHughJacksoncough). Coach Haley started growing a playoff beard in October (coughCoughcough… sorry, that was just me coughing). For this reason and this reason only, he has been relegated as the LVC for the first half of the season. [Honorable mentions: Sean Payton’s strength and conditioning coach and Rob Ryan’s gut]

Most Laughable Player

Chad Johnson Ochocinco, New England Patriots. The wide receiver that wouldn’t stop running his mouth in Cincinnati is now radio silent. With just 9 catches in the first 9 games, Chad doesn’t have much to talk about. Even Charlie Chaplin thinks he’s been quiet. With all the anticipation for his first touchdown as a Patriot, he better have a good touchdown dance planned.  [Honorable mentions: Carson Palmer, DeSean Jackson, Chris Johnson, and Rex Grossman]

Most Laughable Trade

Carson Palmer for two draft picks (potentially two first-rounders), Oakland Raiders. If you have strict parents, I’m sure you know the feeling of anticipation for when they’re about to leave for a long weekend, trusting you to be in charge. You make all sorts of plans. A party, lots of junk food, you know the feeling. As soon as they pull out of the driveway and are out of sight, you order the largest pizza you can find. Maybe that pizza is $25. So what if you’re alone, it’s your house now! And then immediately after eating it, you’re completely stuffed and undoubtedly regret it.

Well, that’s basically how Hugh Jackson handled the Carson Palmer situation. Overspent (badly) just because he wanted to show he was the man of the house. Did it cripple the Raiders for the next few years? Yes. Did Jackson love being the big boy for a little while… You bet. [Note: there are no honorable mentions, this trade takes the cake]

Most Devastating Injury

The Colts are 0-8. Do I really need to write anything here?

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