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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Mel Kiper Jr. Excited For His Day of Work This Year

As the NFL Draft approaches, ESPN payroll leech Mel Kiper Jr. is growing more and more excited about actually having to go to work this year. Kiper, who apparently lists his profession as “Draft Expert,” “Draft Analyst,” or “I Can’t Believe ESPN is Paying Me To Guess Things,” spends most of his year saying things out loud that everyone else already knows, with absolutely no chance of repercussion.

Kiper has been bringing ESPN and ESPN.com his guesses as to who teams will take for years now, and has been selling them as “insights”: telling people the right or wrong answer to what a bunch of professional sports teams they don’t care about.

“Three hundred and sixty four days a year I just sit around and know what teams are bad at football.”

Kiper gave a look behind the scenes of his life outside of draft day,

“Then, when it’s finally the day of the NFL Draft, I actually have to leave my apartment, head to Radio City Music Hall, and see whether or not all of the stuff I guessed it right or wrong or whatever. It’s really nice, having something to do other than acknowledge that the Colts will probably take Andrew Luck.”

“Most days I just sit in my underwear and watch the Kardashians.”

When asked about whether or not he thought his job was a waste of time and money, Kiper became defensive:

“Whoa whoa, it’s not like I’m Todd McShay.”

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This post was created by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports-filled jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

Kyle

Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.

Kyle

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