Mel Kiper Jr. Already Hard At Work On Being Wrong About Next Year’s NFL Draft
BRISTOL, CT– ESPN NFL Draft Analyst Mel Kiper Jr. spends every waking moment of his life, working hard to be completely wrong about the NFL Draft every year, and the veteran draft guesser is already hard at work for next year.
“It takes a lot of hard work to be this wrong,” Kiper said. “Although it may look like it, I don’t wake up the morning of the draft and throw a bunch wrong predictions at the camera. I take an entire year working on those wrong predictions.”
Kiper’s work ethic is what really sets him apart from the rest of the wrong predictors. He works hard every single day reading up on draft prospects in between getting sidetracked by YouTube videos and BuzzFeed quizzes.
“I got Rachel’s jean jacket from BuzzFeed’s ‘Which Article Of Friends Wardrobe Are You?’,” Kiper proclaimed proudly.
ESPN President John Skipper is proud of the analyst Kiper has become. “When we first brought him in, we [ESPN] covered all sports equally,” Skipper said. “But now that we consider ourselves to be the Worldwide Leader In FOOTBALL & LEBRON & FOOTBALL & other sports sometimes, we’ve asked more and more of Mel each year. Now he is required to know at least 32 whole names every year of guys who may or may not get drafted.”
However, Kiper explained that the higher ups in the company chew up anything he spits out. “I’ll admit it, sometimes I’m not always honest with my mock drafts. I mean, 32 names of college kids is a lot to learn, so sometimes, I just write stuff down, hoping it will slide by,” Kiper said. “Like this year, I had actor John Goodman going 17th overall to the Washington Redskins.” Kiper then began laughing. “Anyone with a brain knows that the Washington Redskins didn’t even have a first round pick this year!”
“But I wasn’t too far off,” Kiper claimed. “The Jacksonville Jaguars picked up John Goodman in the 3rd round.”
Kiper expects to work hard until next May or June or July (whenever the NFL moves next year’s draft to), mocking up drafts left and right, hoping one will stick, knowing that none will. “Heck, Warren Buffett even offered me a billion dollars if I ever got a perfect 1st-round mock draft,” Kiper said, laughing. “Yeah, like that will ever happen. I’m human, Warren. Not some sort of NFL Draft Guru.” Kiper then laughed enough to make everyone feel uncomfortable.
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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff
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