Manning Family Puts Eli Up For Adoption

NEW ORLEANS- Former All-Pro quarterback and genetic lottery winner Archie Manning announced that he and his family have put their youngest son, Eli Manning, up for adoption.

The elder Manning, who is also father of quarterback Peyton Manning, stated Eli’s performance this season was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

“He’s close to setting a new league record for interceptions.” Archie said. “[Eli’s] mom is even on board with this decision, and she hates to let anything go. I mean, we kept [our other son] Cooper!”

Eli Manning, who turns 33-years-old in January, wasn’t really shocked about the news. “This isn’t the first time my dad tried this,” said Eli. “The last time, I was 10, and I threw 26 interceptions in a pee wee football season, so I had to spend a week with the Steinberg’s down the street.”

New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin said in his press conference last week that the Giants organization has passed on becoming the Eli’s newest legal guardian. “I mean, Eli is a good kid and won us a couple Super Bowls, but that’s a huge commitment and we just aren’t ready to be a dad right now. At least not for him.”

“Hopefully we can wrap this up before Peyton starts the playoffs,” Archie added. “I don’t need my favorite kid to be distracted by Eli and his awful play anymore. This may be Peyton’s last chance for another title.”

When asked who he would like to be adopted by, Eli said it really doesn’t matter. “It would be cool to call Cam Newton dad, or maybe Aaron Rodgers, but I’m sure I’ll end up with some like Tom Brady, which is fine because at least I know he will never beat me.”

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