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Madden’s Retirement Forces Fans to Look at Scoreboard for Same Information

The sporting world lost one of its own.

NFL Hall of Fame coach and N64 video game cover-boy John Madden has called it quits from football once and for all, announcing his retirement from football. Madden has spent the last three years working NBC’s “Sunday Night Football,” and is considered a sports icon by probably someone.

Madden will be remembered in the football community for many reasons. Madden’s NFL football games are the top selling sports games of all time, and are frequently played
the injured players who don the game’s cover. “I couldn’t play in real life, but I racked up 2,000 yards passing and 1,500 yards rushing in the game in 2004,” a teary-eyed Michael Vick reported over a phone interview through a piece of plexiglass, “I know I’ll miss that sort of ability.”
The retirement of Madden has stunned fans across the nation, leaving them to interpret sports on their own. One fan cited potential difficulties that could arise at the end of games. “I’m not sure I’ll know who has won,” Travis Camp, a 25 year old Browns fan said, “I mean, sure one team will have more points, but does that mean they will have won? I’m sure they’ll have a better chance, but without Madden I can’t be to sure. I guess I’ll have to check the scoreboard.”
Madden will be missed for such great catch phrases as “Have you ever kicked a bucket of bolts?” and “Here’s a guy, when he runs, he moves faster,” and the famous, “Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?”
Madden’s retirement has hit others outside of the sporting community. The combination of John Madden’s retirement and George Bush’s leaving office has left political waste-of-time Frank Caliendo out of work. His mediocre impressions will have to continue on without the use of his two main targets.
Many sources within the sports community are attributing the sudden retirement to Madden’s realization that he no longer has anything to talk about now that quarterback Brett Favre has retired.

Kyle

Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.

Kyle

3 thoughts on “Madden’s Retirement Forces Fans to Look at Scoreboard for Same Information

  • Avatar
    April 16, 2009 at 6:30 pm
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    So will the Madden name carry on in the video game world?

    Reply
  • Avatar
    April 17, 2009 at 12:22 pm
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    They will probably keep the Madden name. The Cris Collinsworth Curse (while a better alliteration) doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    Reply
  • Avatar
    April 18, 2009 at 8:36 pm
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    Hmmmm…Dennis Miller 2010?

    Reply

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