LSU Tigers Pass A Test!
Three of LSU football’s top players tested positive for synthetic marijuana earlier this month, marks reports starting to make their way to the media. Cornerbacks Tyrann Mathieu, Tharold Simon and tailback Spencer Ware will all miss Saturday’s game against Auburn due to the shock that they actually passed any test of any sort.
LSU head coach Les Miles released a statement shortly after hearing of the situation:
“We’ve contacted the families of the three players to celebrate the situation. They’re the first players on our team to pass anything except a football in quite some time.”
According to Teddy, a kid who often wears tie dye, but lives next door to two of the players, Mathieu, Simon and Ware had been studying for weeks, utilizing both synthetic and actual marijuana “just in case something out of the ordinary came up.”
When reached for an interview, DB Tharold Simon was asked why the players chose to go with synthetic marijuana, instead of regular marijuana, come test day. He replied:
“Yeah, synthetic is like, what can happen afterwards. There’s potential and then synthetic energy.”
Simon then laughed for about forty seconds, and told us we “totally should have been there the other day for this guy he saw [laugh] he was all like [swings arms around like they are made of jelly.”
With three players passing a test, LSU now trails only Vanderbilt in academia in the SEC.
All three players passed the drug test, but as of now no letter grades have been acquired.
