Saturday, July 13, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog


So here we are. Opening Day of the 2009 MLB Season.

The smell of freshly cut grass. The constant slurred chatter of alcohol vendors. The little tyke right next to you that’s blowing a bubble that’s too big. The sun blistering half of your face and providing the ageless “sunglasses tan”. The taste of a salted peanut shell that may or may not have already hit the ground. That constant hum you hear in the ballpark that really goes unnoticed till someone (such as I) brings it to your attention. The church organist who has a side gig as the twiddlesticks that delights us every 2-3 pitches with a little crowd bonding melody. The torquing of a perfectly molded baseball glove; The one you brought just in case Bonds… no McGwire… no Giambi – alright someone who didn’t pump noise into their glut-max – rips one down the line. And don’t forget seeds, dip, chew, or just plain Big League Chew (Please note the message this is clearly sending to the children chomping on the BLC. “Hey kids! Do you want your arms to explode? Well, chew this! ‘insert cheesy grin’). You need to have something to chew on for 3 hours since you can’t pick dandelions like you used to in little league.

This season begs to pose new questions for us…
…so what will this year bring?

Who will be this years Tampa Bay Rays?

Who will be this year’s hottest hitter?

Will the list of 104 come out this season?

Which manager will try to impress New Found Glory?

Will Daniel Stern ever pronounce Henry Rowengartner’s name right?

Who will write a book and ruin someone’s life?

Is it still possible to manage a baseball team as a teenager?

What if you had a rocket arm?

Will your summer be filled with just playing in the backyard with a fear of slobbering dogs, throwing up on the Tilt-O-Whirl, and a certain Miss Peffercorn?

And furthermore, will you drown yourself for a quick make out sesh?

Will anyone be able to afford tickets to see a game in the new Yankee Stadium?

Can anyone top THIS for a first pitch throw out?

Will Carlos Delgado finally admit he is Pedro Cerrano?

Only time… and 162 ball games… will tell.

• • •

Thank you to every one who is supporting us in this adventure. We write to humor you. We love to think that we are making you giggle and smile like a 3rd grader who just learned how to play M.A.S.H. Keep us updated with comments, please. Let us know how you feel or throw in your ideas in there too! Keep on a readin’ and enjoy this season of Major League Baseball, coming to a city near you.

Let’s Play Ball!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.