Monday, April 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Let Me Be Frank With You…

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Someone put an asterisk next to Anthony Robles’s National Championship.

Look how scrawny that guy looks in the upper left picture (Side note: I had to look down at my hands to see which one makes an “L” shape with the index finger and thumb. Does the fact that I still have to do that mean my brain is slightly less functional than average?). Why does Anthony look so much larger than his opponent considering wrestling is a sport with weight classes? Anthony Robles has one leg. In an ironic twist to this year’s NCAA Wrestling National Championship, having one leg actually benefited Anthony tremendously knocking him down a few weight classes. As you can tell, Anthony’s upper body is substantially larger than the other guy’s.

I feel racist amputist discriminating on a man for something that more than likely hinders most other activities in his life, but in this case it’s just not fair. It’s kind of like when Daniel Tosh claimed there should be an asterisk next to Babe Ruth’s records because they were all made before black people were allowed to play. It’s just not right.

Could someone tell me why Bruce Pearl got paid $2 million?

If it makes me an evil human to get enjoyment out of watching Bruce Pearl cry, well, call me Bin Laden. I love it. I’ve despised the man ever since he took over in Knoxville causing the entire fan base to believe their basketball program was relevant. Yes he took the program to level it has never before been to, but that’s not saying much. Last year he and the Vols took their first trip to the Elite Eight. Ohhhhh, ahhhhhh! Maybe they’ll hang a banner next to all the ones Pat Summitt has earned. And he cheated! And he lied! And he tried to cover everything up Watergate style!

The University should have fired him 6 months ago when these findings surfaced. They did not. They hung onto Bruce until it became fairly obvious the NCAA was to smack Tennessee with that 9 letter word that starts with ‘p’ and ends with ‘robation’ if they did not oust the jolly orange giant.

So they fired him (I demand you to click that). And despite the fact he was working WITHOUT A CONTRACT and the reason for his firing fell COMPLETELY on his shoulders, they gave him $2 million. Why? I’d like to royally screw up at my job causing my termination and get a mysterious $2 million gift on my way out.

So the question remains, why did Bruce Pearl get $2 million? It must be “hush money”. And no, not hush about other possible NCAA violations the school may have made. But hush about the 2 year affair he has been having with Pat Summit. I was wondering how Tyler Summitt made the team. Oh wait, Pat Summitt’s a lesbian isn’t she? I never can remember.

Finally someone did what should have been done years ago.

Despite the fact the game ended 15 years ago, the box score for the game between the Monstars and the Tunes has finally been released. To see it, courtesy of Deadspin, click here. Highlights include a 24-24 shooting performance by Michael Jordan, a combined 73-74 shooting between both teams, zero rebounds, and 14 steals by the Monstars.

Alex Trebek should do play by play announcing.

He’s gotta be better than Dan Shulman.

It took us over 40 years longer to think of this than it did to figure out how to land on the moon?

Look at this awesome invention. It’s called the Toepener and I fully expect most public bathrooms to have one in the very near future. At least I hope that is the case. I’ve never fully understood why they usually put the handle on the inside and the push panel (I guess that’s what they call the rectangular shaped sheet of metal you are supposed to put your hand on when you open a swinging door.) on the outside. I’m not usually a germ freak, but there’s just something gross about grabbing a rod of metal that has been touched by, and only by, a bunch of people who just got done putting their hands in unsanitary regions of their body.

So long to the days of using a paper towel as my protection from doo doo germs. This is just another example of one of those “why on earth did I not think of that first?” inventions.

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As always, if you have any ideas for future posts or just come across something funny, please shoot me an email at Frank@KorkedBats.com.

0 thoughts on “Let Me Be Frank With You…

  • Avatar
    March 23, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    She is Calipari-style Lesbian… Alleged


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