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Let Me Be Frank With You…

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How the mighty have fallen.

Remember that guy? No, he’s not the face of Sega Genesis, Sonic The Hedgehog. That’s actually former Heisman trophy winner Eric Crouch who is currently an analyst for a channel I haven’t quite figured out yet, Versus. As you can see, he’s doing well for himself after winning the most prestigious award in all of college football. He looks like an annoying 15 year old, didn’t make it past preseason in his only year in the NFL, and now works for a network less watched than Fox Sports South. That may be because Versus is on like channel 58 or higher in each of its markets. Other than that, he’s doing great! Eric Crouch is a key member of the “Heisman Trophy Winners Who Haven’t Amounted To Anything This Decade Club” headed by Ron Dayne, Chris Weinke, Jason White, and Troy Smith.

Looks like someone needs to be promoted to first string.

The video above shows Iowa backup offensive lineman Josh Koeppel being hit by a truck while riding his moped. We can joke about this because 1. he didn’t die and 2. he only missed one game for injury fully confirming his status as indestructible and awesome. The next time I see a star athlete grimace in pain on the floor after getting an elbow to the jaw, I will only be able to think about this Josh guy just IMMEDIATELY getting up after being struck by a truck. I’m a poet and don’t know it. I’ll give you a rhyme if you give me some time. Everyday I eat oranges and…ah never mind. There goes my rap career.

Hurricane Katrina jokes are not yet acceptable.

Well, maybe on Korked Bats because nobody reads it. See, I can say whatever I want to and get away with it. I went to a Brittney Spears concert in 7th grade! I still wet my pants! I don’t have any friends! But this guy decided it would be a good idea to say, “the Vikings need to go down there and hit that town like Katrina,” in reference to the game between Minnesota and New Orleans. Why don’t you just go ahead and make fun of the Twin Towers falling, Operation Iraqi Freedom, the oil spill, or any other disaster that cost human lives. I’m sure you wont offend anyone.

Free Enes.

His name is Enes Kanter. Yes, Enes. He is a humongous human being and a consensus top 5 player in this year’s freshman class. He is currently facing eligibility concerns over his amateur status while playing in his home country of Turkey. For the sake of my well-being (which is closely tied to the success of University of Kentucky athletics) and puns galore, please join me in the fight to free Enes. Last night #FreeEnes was a trending topic on Twitter so I urge all zero of you who have made it this far down my column to join the fight to make the man they call Enes eligible for this season. Thank you. And I apologize for the bias shown in this paragraph.

Please interact with me.

If you ever have any ideas, find any funny stories, or just want to send me an email claiming I will marry my crush if I forward it to 20 people PLEASE EMAIL ME at frank@korkedbats.com. If you did, I may be so thrilled I’d even devote an entire post in your honor. Or just use your idea and mention you, but probably write an entire article about you because sometimes I run out of things to talk about as you can probably tell by this post. So, once again that email address is:

frank@korkedbats.com

One thought on “Let Me Be Frank With You…

  • Avatar
    September 8, 2010 at 12:46 pm
    Permalink

    Ron Dayne played in a Super Bowl his rookie year.

    Reply

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