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Let Me Be Frank With You…

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I know why that Wildcat is laughing.

In a move almost certain to prevent any and all inter-squad scuffles in the future, Northwestern head football coach Pat Fitzgerald had a clever method of two of his players following a recent fight in practice. He made them walk a lap around the feild

together…

holding hands.

What a brilliant idea. What do you think they talked about? And if anyone can find out the names of these players, please let me know so I can put faces to the my mental image.

This guy is probably a participant in underage alcohol consumption.

That’s the face of Oregon State football player Tyler Thomas. No, that isn’t his head shot for the official 2010 game program. It’s his mugshot. Pretty embarrassing, I know. Wait until you hear just why he was arested.

Get ready.

At 4:51 a.m. the Corvallis Police Department received a phone call from a 32 year old woman who reported there was a naked man in the upstairs office of her home. It was Tyler Thomas. After several unsucessful requests for Tyler to get on the ground (I don’t know why they wanted a passed out drunk guy to “get on the ground”, but it is Oregon and I don’t really know what goes on there except Greg Oden taking nude photos of himself in mirrors), police proceeded to taze Tyler. How did he respond? He got in his three point stance and lunged at officers. I bet that made his coaches proud! He has since been kicked off the team and I can’t quite figure out why. We’ve all been there before, right?

This guy I will never understand.

Want to hear proof that something just isn’t right with this world? That alpha-guido, self-absorbed, annoying moron who calls himself “The Situation” is slated to make $5 million this year. In contrast, Chris Johnson, coming off one of the best (if not THE best) offensive seasons in NFL history will make $1.5 million. I don’t have much else to say about that. Just let it sink in.

This is a pretty homo picture.

I hate this guy. No, not because he crushed the hearts of my beloved Kentucky Wildcats in 1992. Let’s face it. I was 5 years old. I didn’t watch the game. But anyone gaybird enough to be caught looking like he does in this picture could never have my respect. First, the flamingo stance is done with far too much ease. My 9th grade English teacher…cough, Janis Little, cough… used to do that stance all the time and it always freaked me out. Second, he is wearing a headband. White people are never to wear headbands. Third, look at his smirk. I think he’s got his eyes on the guy he’s “talking to” in the front row. They aren’t quite Facebook official yet, but they are “talking” and things are looking good. And last, but not least, actually most, what has he got on his head? And I though Conan O’Brien’s hair was a little extravagant. My goodness, that is the most flaming hair-do I’ve seen since this. Minnesota should be embarrassed they named this guy captain.

Korked Bats reached a whole new level of awesome yesterday.

You see that legend right there? Well, let me tell you something. His name is LeVar Burton and he of course was the host of one of the greatest programs of all time, Reading Rainbow. He was also in Star Trek, but if you are reading this site, you probably don’t watch that show. But anyway, he “re-tweeted” one of our tweets yesterday. For all of you 80 year olds out there, and those of you who aren’t exactly hip to the whole social networking deal, that means he saw something we tweeted, enjoyed it, and re-sent it from his account to all of his 1.5 million followers. That’s cool, to us at least. Despite being named the “Site of the Day” on ESPN, being featured in numerous, and by numerous I mean 2, newspaper articles, and being the guests on SportsLine, I must say this is the proudest moment in the history of Korked Bats, or at least mine.

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