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Let Me Be Frank With You…

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Cincinnati will be the most entertaining team in the NFL, by a mile.

Word has broken today that Terrell Owens has signed a one-year deal with the Cincinnati Bengals. This is going to be fun. Two of the most outspoken guys in the league, each with their own reality television show on Vh1, will be the targets Carson Palmer gets to throw to. I cannot stand the Bengals. Ever since going to school in Lexington (where everyone is a fan) during the only year they decided to be decent (until this year) and having to watch that lame team on TV over the greatest team in all the land, the Titans, they have just not been on my good side. Now they are. No word yet on whether Ray J, Adam Lambert’s mascara, the entire cast of Big Brother 7, or Kendra have been contacted by the Bengals’ front office to fill that final receiver slot. Stay tuned. By the way, nice picture.

Chris Kaman spent $10,000.00 on fireworks.

Last week I admitted to the unAmerican trait of never watching an episode of ‘Survivor’. This week I will further your questioning on wether or not I am a terrorist spy living under the name “Frank” by telling you I do not like fireworks. Much like McLovin the guy who plays McLovin in ‘Superbad’ says in the movie ‘Role Models’, I like the idea of fireworks more than I actually like them. Actually he was talking about Coke, but who cares. Haven’t seen the movie? Boy are you lost. Anyway, the ugliest guy in the NBA not named Steve Nash spent $10,000 on fireworks for the fourth of July. I don’t have that much else to say about that other than I can think of roughly 2.4 billion things I’d rather use my money on than blowing something up in the sky at night, like buying a bunch of old refrigerators and playing a human sized game of Jenga with them. OK, maybe fireworks are a better idea than that. But still…

It’s OK to have Bieber Fever.

No homo.

I can’t wait to see this punk in a Nashville court room.

We’ve all heard by now the Tennessee Titans have done what just about every person would love to do and sued Lane Kiffin. What a great, great thing. This is going to be extremely entertaining. I really hope this doesn’t just blow over and end up being a publicity stunt by the Titans. I want to see Lane stand before a jury of Vols/Titans fans as they unanimously rule he must spend the rest of his life in the slammer where he can loathe in self-pity and think about how big of an unprofessional, immature, unproven, unlikable clown he is guilty of all charges. I hate him. Manily because he used to coach the Vols, but also every other aspect of his life.

Nice rack.

Luckily I don’t have a video on this, but apparently rookie defensive tackle Terrence Cody can’t run 50 yards twice with a 70 second break in between. He failed his conditioning test and can’t play because of this. U-N-F-A-T-H-O-M-A-B-L-E. If he were to be a baseball player, he couldn’t hit a home run because he’d be unable to run the bases. Look Terrence, although you may lose just about all of your man points for this, might I recommend a sports bra? I heard Dillard’s is having a huge sale on those this weekend. How do I know that? Let’s just say I have a man-boob issue myself and don’t want to end up like you. Those things HAVE to beat you down and get in your eyes when you try an run. You are a gross, gross human.

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