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It pays to be a Laker.

It’s no secret the “big men” on the Lakers, while extremely talented and good, are somewhat soft compared to some of the other post players around the league. Lakers’ coach Phil Jackson even went as far as calling them “thin-chested”. [Insert inappropriate joke here]. So what Phil’s solution? Well it looks like he took a page right out of John Calipari’s coaching handbook and has decided the only way to get better it to pay his players off. That’s right. For every offensive charge drawn, the player gets $50. (Big whoop, right? That’s not even enough  money to garner the term “pocket change” to these guys.) Don’t count temperamental forward Ron Artest among those participating in the incentive program. “I don’t even know how to take a charge,” he said. “To get the charge you have to fall. I’d rather not fall. “…The man has a point.

I hate ridiculous lawsuits.

The above picture is an actual section of a lawsuit brought against ESPN by a former emplyee. The woman claims the stress of layoff possibilities set off her spastic colon and “at certain times, plaintiff’s symptoms were overwhelming. On those occasions, plaintiff knew she would not be able to make it to the bathroom so she went to a small meeting room located close to her work area, locked the door, defecated in a garbage can, and then disposed of the garbage bag by wrapping it in a second plastic bag. Plaintiff did so approximately 6 times.”

Wow. It’s a rare occurrence that something completely grosses me out, and this is one of those occurrences. I always knew there was something a little off about Linda Cohn.

This is a pretty awkward picture.

I hope whoever decided it’d be a good idea to put Larry King and King James on a basketball court together wearing work clothes was fired, or at least fined $50 by Phil Jackson. It wasn’t worth risking a broken hip to find out Cleveland “has an edge” in his upcoming free agency battle. Now take your suspenders back to the studio Larry.

This man is a true American.

I don’t care what anyone says. Risking your $9 beer to catch a ball thrown into the stands, pulling off the maneuver with very limited spillage, chugging the beer, then fist pumping for freedom is far more American then apple pie.

Having a job is time consuming.

Let me apologize for my recent slump in production as hell finally froze over and I found myself a full-time job. Austin did a tremendous job picking up my slack with his “Let Me Be Austin With You…” article last week and I hope I don’t have to pawn off my duties to him anymore. So if you have been wondering why my articles have been so lame I will immediately know you are new to the site and don’t realize I haven’t written anything scholarly since my “Who Not To Start” columns last fall its because things have been pretty hectic these past couple of weeks. However, I promise to be back to normal soon. I love you all.