Kyle’s Sports Christmas Wishlist

Since it is Christmas Eve I thought I would compile my own personal Christmas list. If I had been remotely good in the past year, perhaps Santa would grant me even one thing from my list.

1) A Time Machine – Ok, I know this is at the top of everyone’s list right under an iPad, but I only need the time machine for one specific purpose: Skip the next two Major League Baseball seasons. The Royals gave up on baseball for the remainder of the Mayan world, pushing all of their chips into the post-2012 “call em up from the minors” bandwagon. Yes, the Royals have the best farm system in baseball. But for my entire life I’ve been fed the sentence, “In a couple of years…” from my hometown baseball squad. I liked Greinke. I wanted to watch baseball the next two years. Now, it might just hurt, real bad.

2) ESPN To Cover Sports – 2010 in particular has made me sick, to put it bluntly, of watching ESPN divide Sportscenter (and its 30 equivalent shows) into a 90/10 ratio. The 90% being Drama in Athletes Personal Lives, Crimes Committed by Athletes and Athlete Twitter-Underlying-Meaning Speculation. The 10% being Duke and Miami Heat highlights. I know it may sounds stupid asking the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network to cover sports more, but it feels like the emphasis has been shifted solely to that E and off the S. The Heat Index? Please go away.

3) Just ONE Playoff Win – I know this is a stretch, and the Chiefs haven’t even locked up the AFC West, yet, but just one. Please. If the Chiefs can wrap up and win the AFC West by beating the Titans and the Raiders at home the next two weeks, they’ll secure a home playoff game. My brother is yet to witness a Chiefs playoff victory in his lifetime. He HAS, however, seen Larry Johnson and Tyler Thigpen. I believe the Chiefs will be underdogs, even at home, needless of what team they play. But it’s Arrowhead, the NEW Arrowhead. And heck, it’s Christmas.

4) Atlanta Falcons Super Bowl – Ok, I’ve faced facts that the Chiefs probably won’t win the Super Bowl. If they don’t, I have a backup plan. The second best thing to the Chiefs winning a Super Bowl is Tony Gonzalez winning a Super Bowl. It would simultaneously justify his leave and shut Shannon Sharpe’s stupid face up forever. I hate Shannon Sharpe.

5) Tony Mitchell – I don’t know where he is or when he’s coming, but as a graduate of the University of Missouri, I’d love to see him in his Mizzou uniform very soon.

I’m a simple guy. Just give me a time machine and the ability to dictate the Disney Corporation’s programming as well as the outcome of multiple sporting events and I’m good.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, and may every team win the Super Bowl.

– Kyle

What do YOU want for Christmas? Leave a comment letting me know and I’ll try and make it happen!


Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


One thought on “Kyle’s Sports Christmas Wishlist

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    December 24, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I kinda wanted a Titans Super Bowl…maybe next year.


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