Remember The Last Dance? It was that documentary that aired like four
years months ago about the career of Michael Jordan. Even though Jordan’s career feels like it was more recent than the airing of that documentary. But for weeks, it was all anyone could talk about. Mainly because it was all anyone HAD to talk about. Unless you wanted to keep talking about Carole Baskin, death rates and Carole Baskin’s death rates. It even got brought up by the fine folks at Good Morning Football on NFL Network (arguably the best morning show never to be hosted by Regis Philbin – RIP in peace, legend).
But Kyle Brandt brought it up for a reason. Watch.
You hear that? He said “the Korked Bats sports blog.” That’s us.
You could say this was a mention made in passing. You could say Kyle was just trying to fulfill the rule of threes. You could say Kyle has probably never even been to this site.
But we like to say it was a legitimate challenge. And sure, maybe we’re swerving out of our lane here and into a lane that’s so masterfully dominated by NFL Memes, but at very least, we know we can kick Yard Barker’s ass. No offense, YB.
So for the last three months, we’ve been slaving away in our basement, like some sort of home brew guy making and perfecting an IPA for his friends who really don’t want to try it, trying to figure out the NFL’s next greatest meme. (read: we forgot about it until this week and had to throw something together right after Week 1 – procrastination is our thing)
So allow us to throw a couple of ideas your way. And sure, we know memes can’t be created. The best ones happen organically. We also know these ideas are extremely dumb, but if you think about it, so are the entire concept of memes. So let’s just try to, as Kyle Brandt says, take down the goat.
Let’s start with the obvious.
The Crying Brady
Michael Jordan is obviously the goat meme. It was like this even before The Last Dance with a face anyone who’s spent more than 3 minutes on the internet will recognize:
The Crying Jordan. Look at that blubbering mess. He looks like Isaiah Thomas whining about not making the ’92 Olympic Team and/or me after watching Mr. Holland’s Opus. The height of this meme came in 2016, and since it’s another election year, it’s time to vote this tear factory out of office and usher in a new regime.
Allow me to introduce…
This isn’t a new picture by any means, but we can give it new life. Hear me out…
Michael Jordan has six rings, is widely considered the best of his sport, and didn’t switch teams until he was super old, and it felt super awkward.
Tom Brady has six rings and is widely considered the best of his sport, and didn’t switch teams until he was super old, and it felt super awkward.
Also, both men have been caught crying on a camera.
So how can we apply this meme?
When the Yankees start 16-6, but then only win 5 of their next 15 and fall into third place…
When people hear your name all they thing about is Michael Jordan or Tom Brady…
When you used to be the belle of the Internet ball, but then another crying face overtook you as the Internet’s GOAT meme…
The Crying Knowshon
Of course, you can’t hit with a crying NFL player without acknowledging the COAT (Crying Out All Tears), Knowshon Moreno.
Remember when Knowshon got supes emotional during the anthem? My guy was sobbing like he was watching the end of Marley & Me.
So how can we apply this meme?
When you drive your team all the way down the field in your first NFL start and your kicker misses a 31-yard chip shot field goal securing the loss…
When your top-seeded Eastern Conference team loses to the 5th seeded Miami Heat in a gentlemen’s sweep…
When your conference goes 0-3 against the Sun Belt Conference over the weekend…
Two things that get better with age: scotch and Aaron Rodgers.
He actually won A.D.’s Crown of the Week this week.
Shout out to Kyle Brandt for this one. It’s like the Kermit Sipping Tea meme, except this is such a stronger sip than Kermit and his tea. Mainly because Jim Henson never drafted Kermit’s replacement when that green frog was still in his prime.
Best part is, I’m pretty sure any picture of Aaron Rodgers taking a sip of something will work. Here’s another candidate:
Let’s keep them coming.
You want another?
Literally anything with Aaron sipping drives the point across.
Ok, except maybe this one.
Sad Mike Golic
Don’t really have a reason behind this one. I just find this photo of sad Mike Golic eating a donut to be funny. This should be the meme after every Browns loss, IMO.
This one actually stems from Week 1 of the 2020 season (hence Jameis as a Saint). My man is probably watch Brady throw pick-six’s thinking, the Bucs pushed me out just to hire a 43-year-old version of me?
Similar vibes here:
Or, the great thing about this meme is its versatility. One quick photoshop of his eyes, and you’ve got this meme:
“Who lives on a sideline close to the sea? Spongebob Griffinpants!”
The internet is already flooded with Spongebob memes. Let’s tweak the cartoon meme GOAT slightly by adding Robert Griffin III’s face to it. Why? I actually don’t have an answer to that. But let’s just do it anyway.
There’s so many options you can hit people with:
When someone says something dumb like, “Lamar Jackson isn’t that good of a quarterback,” you can with them either this…
ORRR… “lAmAr JAcKsOn ISnT tHAt goOd oF A qUarTerbAcK.”
Or how about when the Madden Curse strikes and Lamar Jackson inevitably gets injured.
Plus both of them have a similar smile.
Look, all I’m saying is Robert Griffin III should be so much more than Subway commercials and that really awesome 2011 season. Let’s bring him back to life in meme form.
Any Video Featuring Patrick Mahomes’ Brother
Not sure if Kyle would approve this one. Mainly because Patrick Mahomes’ brother isn’t in the NFL, but little known fact: his brother Patrick is. Patrick Mahomes’ brother is, however, on TikTok. I’m not posting any of his videos here, mostly because I don’t want to watch any. But maybe one of you can go out and find one for me, and just let me know if any are meme-worthy.
Ok, roll with me on this one.
Since a cleanly shaven Ben Roethlisberger already looks like a thumb, we went ahead and made it official. Meet Ben RoeTHUMBerger. Whenever there’s a good play, or something cool, you can hit it with a Ben Roethumberger Up! Or if something sucks or is no good, you can hit it with the Ben Roethumberger Down.
For example: the Steelers won on Monday Night Football in Week 1!!
But James Conner sprained his ankle.
It’s a multi-use meme, depending on the subject. It’s also an extremely dumb meme, despite the subject.
2020 has been the year of the Karen. So we took a photo of Tom Brady yelling at a ref and turned him in a Karen. Why? Because it’s my God-given right as an American citizen to do whatever I want and you nor your manager are going to take away my freedoms!
So whenever someone makes a dumb point or TYPES IN ALL CAPS ONLINE, feel free to hit them with the Karen Brady.
Not enough is said about the fact that the Tennessee Titans mascot is a raccoon. We all know that Greek mythology claims the titans were even greater than the gods. So what do they make their mascot? An animal known for sifting through trash cans.
Why a raccoon? Because it’s the state mammal of Tennessee, and I guess Tennessee takes a lot of pride in the fact. Missouri’s state mammal is the Missouri mule, but you don’t see some donkey prancing on the sidelines of Chiefs games. No. They went with a damn wolf with child-bearing hips, because wolves are cooler than mules. But I digress.
So let’s just make T-Rac the new Internet darling. The new Keanu Reeves. Let’s put him everywhere. Replace your Leonardo DiCaprio Django Unchained memes with T-Rac.
HER: come over
YOU: can’t have to mascot the game
HER: my parents aren’t home
Calling out your haters.
You and your squad rolling up like…
I’ll I’m saying is maybe its time we turn T-Rac into the internet sex symbol he deserves to be. I mean, you tell me. Who wore hotter shorts?
I rest my case.
There you go. There’s our attempt. We’ll continue to mine the internet until Kyle’s request comes to fruition, because he’s right. The NFL should have the GOAT meme. And we will not rest until we find it.
Thanks for putting us to the test, Kyle.
UPDATE: Kyle has weighed in with his favorites.