Korked Bats Exclusive Interview: The Man Behind @FakeNBASeason

Korked Bats sat down with Michael Ruemmele, the man behind @FakeNBASeason on Twitter. He, like all basketball fans, was upset with the continuation of the lockout. But unlike most NBA fans, he found something to (attempt) to take its place. Let’s dive right in:

Korked Bats: For those who don’t know, can you explain Fake NBA Season and what it is doing?

Fake NBA Season: The Fake NBA Season is my attempt to cope with the loss of NBA games due to the lockout. I’m simulating the games based on player statistics with some player progression from last year. Trades, extensions and injuries are also present for as authentic an NBA experience as possible. Rookies from this years draft are playing overseas because I didn’t feel comfortable converting college stats to pro stats.

It’s proving an effective means of avoiding having to find something to talk about besides NBA news by discussing it anyway, even when it doesn’t exist. Most importantly, it’s a way to lower fake crime rates by keeping fake Metta World Peace off the streets.

KB: How many games into the season are we?

Fake NBA: The season is being simulated according to the schedule set forth for the original NBA season, so we’re 2 weeks in. Most teams have played about 7 games, though the season seems much longer for Cavs fans.

KB: Any surprise teams thus far? Surprise players?

Fake NBA: The Bucks and Stephen Jackson have been the biggest surprise of the season. They’re off to a 7-1 start and he’s playing phenomenally. Ricky Rubio and the Timberwolves have also played well. They are 5-1. The fact that David Kahn is a decent general manager in this simulation proves I still have some kinks to work out.

Lebron went down early in the season with a lower back injury and might not play for a few more weeks. This has made for a disappointing season so far for the Heat. They’re 3-3 despite Dwyane Wade averaging close to 30 points per game. The faker than usual Heat fans have yet to notice though, as they keep showing up for simulated games hours after they finish. The Spurs are just 1-5, likely being distracted during games by a squeaky wheel on Tim Duncan’s walker.

KB: How is the Dallas Mavericks title defense going?

Fake NBA: The Mavs have played well so far. They’re 5-2 and Dirk is still being Dirk, averaging about 27 per game. Jason Terry has gotten another tattoo this year, but this one is of the Western Conference championship trophy. Some of his teammates think this is bad luck.

KB: What are your thoughts on the lockout in the Real NBA Season?

Fake NBA: I think it’s totally reasonable. Owners should be allowed to make money even when they’re throwing 120 million 6 year contracts at Joe Johnson and offering human sacrifices to Gilbert Arenas for each point he scores. To operate a business in a system where teams issuing these contracts are not profitable is just not fair to the owners.

On the other hand, players also have to stand up for what’s fair. To take the kind of pay cut they’re being asked to take, so that they will only make an average of 5 million dollars to put a ball in a hoop while people worship them is simply unacceptable. You have to respect their right to attempt to fight this battle in courts, alienate their fans, and accept a worse deal than the one they’re currently being offered next year. After all, how can the billionaire owners expect to survive without the players?

At least both parties can agree that their financial situation is more important than the fans who throw money at them.

KB: Last question. Better basketball movie: Hoosiers or Air Bud?

Fake NBA: I just can’t get behind a movie that is so ridiculous I can’t immerse myself in the story. When a movie goes so far out of the realm of believability, it’s impossible to appreciate what strengths it does have. No team that small could ever win the state basketball title, especially coached by a drunk. Air Bud is the better movie.

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To follow the Fake NBA Season in its entirety, check it out on Twitter: @FakeNBASeason

This interview was conducted by Kyle. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and all of our sports jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats.