Jameis Winston, Auburn’s Sewing Machine Lead Pack Of Heisman Candidates
NEW YORK CITY- The Heisman Trophy Trust announced it’s 2013 finalists late Tuesday afternoon, and for the first time since 2012, more than one finalist was named.
“In a year where no one really wanted to win the Heisman, we just had to pick six guys whose names we’ve heard on SportsCenter the most this year,” Heisman Trust President William J. Dockery said.
The 2013 Heisman Finalists are:
- Jameis Winston
- Auburn’s Sewing Machine
- Johnny Manziel
- AJ McCarron
- Tre Mason
- That Boston College Running Back
Florida State freshman quarterback and Tallahassee Police Department Honorary Deputy Jameis Winston, who many think is this year’s favorite to win, led his team to undefeated record against basketball schools who just barely have enough funding for football teams. Many think Winston will walk home with the trophy, mainly because he simply refuses to take no for an answer.
Auburn’s Sewing Machine was a late addition to the Heisman Trophy watch list, but what an addition it’s been. Late in the Iron Bowl, with Auburn trailing by 7, LaDarius Owens’ jersey ripped open. Luckily for Owens, Auburn’s Sewing Machine was there, and was sew clutch. Auburn’s Sewing Machine not only patched up the jersey, allowing Owens to return to the game in a timely manner, but it also hemmed Head Coach Gus Malzahn’s those navy blue corduroy pants that his wife loves so much in time for church the next morning. Many voters will take into account how many National Championship patches Auburn’s Sewing Machine will have to sew onto Auburn’s jerseys this month.
Johnny Manziel, 2012’s Heisman Trophy winner, returns simply for another year to party irresponsibly in New York City. Manziel was an early favorite to win this year, but after a disappointing season, he only leads the nation in three statistical categories: frowny faces, shoulder shrugs and forehead acne.
Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron was receiving Heisman buzz all season long until his team lost to Auburn in the Iron Bowl. “I think AJ deserves this trophy more than anyone else,” Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban said during an in-home interview, while gently massaging McCarron’s feet on a bear rug in front of a fire. “Thanks coach,” the shy McCarron responded before Saban answered back with a sensual wink. While the nation has grown more annoyed with Alabama football than Miley Cyrus, many college football commentators believe McCarron was only invited with the hopes of seeing Katherine Webb in an evening gown.
Auburn running back Tre Mason was almost left off of the list of Heisman Trophy finalists. “To be completely honest, we weren’t going to include him, but we felt obligated to when he showed up here in New York City only minutes after the SEC Championship Game ended in Atlanta on Saturday night,” Dockery explained. “He ran here.” Tre Mason told reporters he avoided a direct route north to New York from Atlanta. Instead, he ran through Missouri to get there.
That Boston College Running Back would’ve been a unanimous selection on every Heisman watch list, but no one could remember his name. “That guy has become a clear favorite this year,” Dockery noted. “Not necessarily a favorite to win the award. More of a YouTube favorite. Seriously, you should YouTube ‘Boston College running back.’ Watch the third video down. It’s awesome.” That Boston College Running Back is a 5th-year senior and has rushed for like almost 2000 yards this year, according to that guy at work who is usually wrong about stuff like this.
Dockery assures fans that this year’s Heisman presentation might be interesting, even without the story lines of fake dead girlfriends like it had last year. He continued saying, “At very least, just tune in to catch the ESPN 30 for 30 afterwards.”
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