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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Jaguars Are Starting Jake Luton At QB, So Let’s Break Down His LinkedIn Profile

I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is Minshew Mania (are we still calling it that?) has been put on hold, as Gardner Flint Minshew II has a strained ligament and broken bones in his thumb. The good news is the Jaguars are turning to Jake Luton at quarterback. Why? Well, those games aren’t going to lose themselves and the Jags have a top pick to secure. But the good news here is, we have yet another first-time starting quarterback’s LinkedIn profile to break down, because apparently that’s our thing now?

Last week, we broke down Ben “The Noooooch” DiNucci’s LinkedIn profile, and to be honest, as a hypothetical prospective employer, it left a lot to be desired. Let’s hope Jake “The Luuuuuute” Luton has more to offer.

Header

I can tell we’re already off to a better start than the Nooch. For one, he has a banner image loaded. Good sign. Also, his profile picture doesn’t scream “I pour White Claw into my coffee during work hours” like the Nooch’s did. Instead, Jake’s profile picture gives off mad “I’d like to talk to you about the Church of Jesus Christ And Latter Day Saints” vibes.

Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point this out. I gave the Nooch a hard time for having only 151 connections, especially as a college football quarterback. But I take all of that back. Especially now after seeing Jake Luton’s connections count. My man not only quarterbacked a school in a higher division and a Power-5 conference, but he somehow has a tenth of the connections. That’s a major red flag. The Kevin Costner in Draft Day “birthday party guest list” rule definitely applies here. My guy doesn’t even have enough connections to play a game of football. …not that you’d play a game of football with your LinkedIn connections, but you get my point.

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About

If you notice, there is no “About” section. Hmmm. In what arguably may be the easiest section of your LinkedIn profile to fill out, Jake Luton failed to deliver. Red flag, IMO. If I’m a prospective employer, I’m thinking, what other simple and mundane tasks does this guy fail to produce. And since we know he’s a Jags QB we can add simple out routes to that list as well.

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Education & Experience

Leading this section with the fact that you played football in college is always a nice touch, but not sure I’d lead with it if that college is Oregon State. Also, might want to update it, because it says January 2016 to Present, and even though the Jaguars feel like a college football program, I assure you, you’re not still playing college football.

The grocery clerk job was a smart addition. This tells me he’s got a little Kurt Warner in him. The NFL is a copycat league, so you know teams are still looking for guys who can throw a tight spiral and do a price check on aisle 5.

Again, let’s tone down the Oregon State mentions in this profile. Especially with only 16 connections. And maybe don’t openly admit to extracurricular volunteer opportunities, because again, it only makes those 16 connections. seem more embarrassing.

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Skills & Endorsement

Ok, this is only getter sadder the further we move down the profile.

He has one endorsed skill. And it’s for communication. Oh, so he can talk? Good skill, I guess? Imagine how bad someone has to be for only one person to step up and be like, “Well, he always spoke in complete sentences to me. I guess I’ll endorse him for that?”

I like that he also added Team Leadership and Team Building as skills, but none of his other 15 connections wanted to endorse him for either of those.

Also, let’s not bury the lede. How in the hell is this guy not skilled in Microsoft Office? I thought that was a staple for every LinkedIn profile. Just like how ever MySpace profile had to be friends with Tom, every LinkedIn profile had to be proficient in Microsoft Excel, PowerPoint, and Word. Guess I was wrong.

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Accomplishments & Interests

Yup, the sadness continues.

One honor and award. One. And of course it’s the Honor Roll. I guess that explains why he has so few connections. While his friends were partying and socializing, he was at the library studying.

And for good measure, more Oregon State love. We get it, bud. You went to and like Oregon State.

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Look, I don’t know if the Jake Luton experience is going to work out in Jacksonville (it won’t), but let’s hope it does, because with this profile and those connections, he has no shot at landing a job in the real world. Especially without the ability to operate Microsoft Office.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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