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It’s Time We Talk About How Jacked The New ‘Jake From State Farm’ Is

It’s time we talk about Jake from State Farm and just how low-key jacked this dude is. But to understand this Jake from State Farm, like any insanely strong superhero, we have to go back to his origin story.

If you remember the very first Jake From State Farm commercial, then you clearly know this current Jake is not the original Jake. Oh no. The original Jake From State Farm looked like someone who actually worked at State Farm and was occasionally responsible for bringing donuts in for the office.

But somewhere along the line, State Farm made the switch. When exactly? I don’t think anyone knows.

It was a subtle switch by State Farm, like when Back to the Future replaced Jennifer. But it was probably a necessary switch. No offense to the original Jake, but he looked like an actual insurance salesman, and no one wants to buy insurance from actual insurance salesmen. They want to buy insurance from cool guys like this new Jake.

New Jake just exudes confidence. Like he shops at Banana Republic, and probably has a wine fridge in his apartment. Old Jake wears the company issued polo (even though it’s a size too big, and he got his “uhhh, khakis” at “uhhh, Marshalls.”

When New Jake first started appearing in commercials, you probably didn’t think anything of it. The guy was very modest with his wardrobe. He rocked his signature khakis, sure, but it was always accompanied with a sweater (see above). Or a loose t-shirt.

In fact, when you first saw this commercial you probably didn’t think anything of it. Like, yeah, New Jake appears to be fit, but anyone would look fit standing next to Carlton Banks. So you had to take it all with a grain of salt and/or creatine. But the more New Jake appeared on TV, the more he got comfortable with his wardrobe. Like the girl who played Alex on Modern Family.

Modern Family Before And After 2017 【WOMBAT NATION】 - YouTube

His shirts suddenly started getting a little bit tighter. His sleeves a bit shorter. And suddenly, it’s hard NOT to notice. New Jake From State Farm is swole.

State Farm provides surprisingly great rates AND surprisingly great arms.

My guy is standing next to an elite professional athlete and makes him look like Jim Halpert. Apparently, when New Jake’s not busy bundling your home, life and auto insurance to help save you hundreds, he’s at the gym bundling weights onto his incline bench rack. Look at those biceps. They’re the size of Aaron Rodger’s thighs. He clearly approaches his workout the same way he approaches insurance policies. You have to ‘bi’ some before you ‘tri’ some.

“What are you wearing Jake from State Farm?” Uhhh, a size smedium muscle tee.

Before we know it, New Jake From State Farm is going to be rocking tank tops. And you know what? I don’t blame him. If you got it, flaunt it. Those pipes were not sculpted for months to be kept in the garage. Oh, Flo from Progressive has a Name Your Price Tool? Well, New Jake has damn pythons for arms! Good thing State Farm also offers pet insurance.

State Farm knows sex sells, which is why they sidelined that pudge for this chiseled adonis. Smart move. I feel much more insured by a dude looking like this than I would bald J.K. Simmons with Farmers. I will say this, however, this is a downside. State Farm’s new commercials make me want to change my diet and gym routine more than change my insurance provider.

Me, feeling uncomfortable about my body every time I see New Jake From State Farm on TV.

What I would love is for this to start the great insurance wars of 2020, kind of like the great chicken sandwich wars of 2019. Now, I know 2020 can’t bare much more, but I’d just love to see the guy from the Allstate commercials get jacked. Let me see some veins popping out of Snoopy’s arms in the MetLife commercials. USAA? Well… everyone in those commercials are already jacked because military. But you get the idea. Let’s turn insurance commercials into the CrossFit Games.

Until then, however, always remember… Like a good neighbor, State Farm will give you a spot whenever you’re on the bench.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter (which he apparently thought was important enough to share here). He also wears pants everyday.

Austin

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