Let’s Play A Game of “College Football Recruit Or Made-Up Name?”
Today is (the first of two) National Signing Day! Meaning 17 year-olds from all over the country with arms as big as your thighs are signing national letter of intents to sell away their soul likeness to major universities for the ability to concuss, paralyze, and/or create life-lasting effects on their health! Fun!
As you know, college football has been made-up of incredible names: Bumper Pool at Arkansas, Lion King Conway at Eastern Michigan, or Mister Cobble at Kentucky. Those are all real. But before ridiculously named collete athletes are even college athletes, they’re ridiculously named high school recruits. And it feels as though the older we get, the weirder the names get.
So let’s try and guess which names are real and which are made-up! It’s harder than you think! (The answers and score guide are at the bottom.)
NAMES:
1. Xavian Sorey
2. Jaxson Dart
3. Tuggs McNeil
4. George Wilson
5. General Booty
6. Decoldest Crawford
7. Jesus Christmas
8. Mike Hall
9. Jake Briningstool
10. Rocco Spindler
11. Tom-Tom Hardaway
12. Reuben Fatheree
13. Drinky Beerme
14. Monkell Goodwine
15. Prince Kollie
16. David Coffeetime
17. Prophet Brown
18. Sixshooter Boyd
19. Seven McGee
20. A.J. Green
21. Dashon Duece
22. Tay-Tay Prince
23. Donovan Smootskin
24. James BlackStrain
25. Seth Michaels-Scotts
26. Zakee Morris
27. Sam Jackson
28. Kobe King
29. JaJoshy Pukes
30. Harrison Macareña
[divider][/divider]
ANSWERS:
Real names are in bold.
- Xavian Sorey – Georgia commit
- Jaxson Dart – USC commit
- Tuggs McNeil
- George Wilson – Florida State commit
- General Booty – undecided (read about him here)
- Decoldest Crawford – LSU commit
- Jesus Christmas
- Mike Hall – Ohio State commit
- Jake Briningstool – Clemson commit
- Rocco Spindler – Notre Dame commit
- Tom-Tom Hardaway
- Reuben Fatheree – Texas A&M commit
- Drinky Beerme
- Monkell Goodwine – Alabama commit
- Prince Kollie – Notre Dame commit
- David Coffeetime
- Prophet Brown – USC commit
- Sixshooter Boyd
- Seven McGee – Oregon commit
- A.J. Green – Arkansas commit
- Dashon Duece
- Tay-Tay Prince
- Donovan Smootskin
- James BlackStrain – Georgia Tech commit
- Seth Michaels-Scotts
- Zakee Morris
- Sam Jackson – TCU commit
- Kobe King – Penn State commit
- JaJoshy Pukes
- Harrison Macareña
SCORE GUIDE
If you got…
0 correct… You thought Drinky Beerme was a real person? Maybe you shouldn’t Drinky Beerme any more today.
1 to 8 correct… You either severely underestimated the parents of high school recruits abilities to name children, or you overestimated. Either way, we’re gonna need you to maybe pay a little more attention to college recruiting and/or what names are.
9 to 17 correct… Not bad. I’d say this is about average for scoring. You don’t know a freakish amount about college recruiting – meaning you’re probably not tweeting at young kids telling them they’re making the worst decision of their life when they don’t commit to your school. But you also know enough to carry a weak-ass conversation about recruiting classes this year. “How about Alabama this year? Sheesh! Just reloading, I guess, huh?”
18 to 24 correct… Ok, you’re clearly very knowledgable when it comes to high school recruits and/or fake names. What did you use to be a bouncer? Bet you confiscated a lot of fake ID’s back in the day, didn’t you? I bet you watch Vegas Vacation and cringe whenever Rusty poses as Mr. Papadigiorgio and gets away with it, don’t you?
25 or more correct… whoa, time to put down the Athlon Sports magazine, dude. Maybe log off of 24/7 for a few days. You are wayyyy too invested into these teenagers. In fact, I’d like you to have a seat at the counter. You’re gonna have a chat with my friend, Chris Hansen.
