Isaiah It Ain’t So

Florida International University has new head basketball coach.

Wait, what?! Why?!

Wasn’t their 13 wins this past season good enough?

Maybe for a church league. But this is FIU! A mecca for college basketball. The dream job of any college basketball coach. Calipari wanted this job but they respectfully turned him down. The Golden Panthers want to win and they want to win RIGHT NOW!

They need a coach who can offer a 20 win season every season.

And good news citizens of Miami, Florida, they got one in Isaiah Thomas.

Disagree? Check Isaiah’s career coaching stats. Thomas has never coached a team to anything less than 20 wins in a season in his 5 years as a head coach. In fact, just last year in his final coaching stint with the New York Knicks, he went 23-59. He is a basketball mastermind.

Is this hire just a PR stunt? Maybe.

Will Isaiah make an imediate impact on FIU? Most definitely.

Will that impact be a positive impact? Only time will tell.

Who would I get to play Isaiah Thomas in an intriguing made for TV movie about his life? Probably Denzel Washington.

Is it because I think they look alike? Not entirely, I just really like Denzel’s work.

Will FIU win the national title next year under Thomas? I think it’s a safe preseason assumption.

Isaiah looks to bring FIU their first winning season since the 1999-2000 season. He mentioned his initial plans to do so are trading for Stephon Marbury and signing Jerome James to a contract that he doesn’t deserve.

Oh Isaiah! Will you ever learn?!

(Insert “womp womp womp noise” followed by live studio audience laughter while Isaiah gives this face toward the camera. Cut to commercial.)