Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

In the Time it Takes Me To Write This

Photo Courtesy: LIFE Online

In the time I am spending writing this article, some miraculous things will happen. Let’s see, thus far I have spent 1 minute writing this article. If that one minute took place during an Oakland Raiders football game, JaMarcus Russell would have made $21,333.33 at a minimum. I just spent three minutes calculating that total, so now we are up to four minutes on this article. Four minutes. Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones is worth $1.4 Billion, up from $1.25 billion the year before, which means he earned $150,000,000 last year. There are 525,948 minutes in a year. Jerry Jones has earned just under $2,000 since I started writing this article seven minutes ago.

What I’m saying is, let’s please get this worked out. If I was at my job while writing this article, “on the clock” or whatever, I would have made right around $6 so far.

And I don’t mean to complain. Well, I suppose I do. But you owe it to the fans to prove why we owe it to ourselves to owe you $90/game to watch you hit each other and fight over a piece of leather you are trying to move from one imaginary line to another.

I don’t know the details, I don’t know who I side with (though I’d imagine on the side of the players that don’t want to prolong an already injury-ridden season), but I do know that it’d be a shame and a waste to drop a season over a flexing contest.

Short post, small rant, I apologize to everyone but Roger.



Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


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