Saturday, May 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

In The Most Relatable Quote Ever, Brewers Rookie Garrett Mitchell Says “When My Wife Doesn’t Show… Usually Something Good Happens.”

Let me start this blog by saying I love my wife more than life itself.

Ok, with that now out of the way… Athletes, they’re just like us.

Any married dude knows there’s nothing better than time spent with your wife… BUUUUUT if there was, it would be time spent with your dudes. And Brewers rookie Garrett Mitchell is just a living embodiment of that. In fact, he not only recognized the fact that good things happen when his wife doesn’t show up to games, but he also had the stones to admit it – which is respectable. Now granted, it appears he did not admit it to her specifically…

Damn. Got his ass. But he did at least admit it to a stadium full of fans.

And based on yesterday, he kinda has a point. Wifey stays home, Garrett starts wildin’ for a walk-off to beat the Mets. Look, epic memories are typically created when wives aren’t around. Because otherwise, what stories would we have to bore them with when we get home, ya know?

“Babe, Eric and I were at a Waffle House when he drunkenly dared me to streak naked across the highway!”

“Oh wow. Crazy. Did you remember to clean out the garage?”

And look, this is gender-neutral. Epic things also happen for the ladies when the guys aren’t around. For example, when my wife comes home from girls’ weekends, she hits me with the craziest stories about how her and her girls did epic things like sit around a living room for hours sipping wine and asking each other questions like, “What are your dreams for this next year?” or “What have been your highs and lows from this past season of life?” True story. And truly epic. I assume.

Plus, as a sports blogger, I’m going to relate my limited baseball career to that of a Major Leaguer, because I can totally relate on a baseball level. When I was in middle school, and girls from my grade would come out to our games, I would play worse because I couldn’t stay focused. But when they weren’t at the games, I always played much better. So Garrett, trust me when I say, I totally get it, man.

I’m not a Brewers fan, but if I were, I’d demand Mrs. Garrett Mitchell needs to stay home all season. She can go ahead and start clearing space for their new Rookie of the Year trophy.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.