Monday, April 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

In Defense Of #7 From That Viral ‘Pick Your Favorite Pen’ Meme

Let me start by saying, I’m not picking #7. Good Lord, I’d have to be a serial killer to do so. And I haven’t killed enough people yet to be considered serial. However, I do think the vitriol surrounding #7 has been a little much.

Is #7 the best pen on there? Not at all. Far from it. But it’s not the Mr. Irrelevant in this draft either. (That would clearly go to #6) #7 has fair qualities. For one, everytime you pick up a #7, you know there’s going to be ink in it. That might be because people are choosing literally every other pen in the drawer before that one, but still, it always has ink. I’ll admit, at first, I was anti-#7. But after thinking about it more, I felt like that S.O.B. was reliable. And it never breaks, so it’s durable. And then I went on to give it an NFL comparison.

Plus, to add to Paully’s point, that’s the only pen in the bunch that can be used to kill your teacher who’s actually an alien just like Josh Hartnett did to John Stewart in The Faculty.

Speaking of that movie, if you’re a deadbeat drug addict like Josh Hartnett’s character, Zeke, #7 is the only pen you can use to store coke in. So that’s something to consider as well.

At the end of the day, #7 is water. While it may be more fun to pick a soda or sexier to pick a cocktail, #7 will always keep you hydrated.

So with all that said, I grew up on #1 and #4, so I’m choosing one of those.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.