I’m A Dad.

A lot of people lost bets today.

To all the haterz out there who said I’d be a virgin for life…

As of 5:02 am central time on December 18th in the year of our Lord two-thousand and twenty-one, I am a father.

Trust me, it feels weirder than it does to type. And it felt hella weird to type.

Now before I get more than five sentences into this blog, I have to shout out my wife. She was a damn trooper through the entire process. And when I say entire process, I mean entire process. From the challenges we faced to even get pregnant, to the entire pregnancy (mainly watching me DO BEERS while she couldn’t so much as have a glass of wine), to the delivery this morning. And the toughness and awesomeness she showed aren’t exclusive to her. If your wife or girlfriend has ever given birth, you get it. Women have always been badasses, but they really flex that muscle through the miracle of childbirth, and my wife did. I’m lucky to have her by my side, and I love her slightly more than the little human she squirted out. Which is to say a lot.

Now let’s get super cliché. If you’re a parent, you already know. They say there’s nothing quite like childbirth, and they’re right (whoever the hell ‘they’ are). A human came out of my wife and she shares equal parts of mine and my wife’s DNA. It’s insane. To me, the miracle of childbirth is more fascinating than waiters at Sonic who know how to rollerskate, the decision to cast Kevin James as Sean Payton, and anyone who chose to use any tool other than the blacklight in MTV’s Room Raiders.

Not to mention, that it’s astonishing how much love I have for her already despite just meeting her for the first time this morning. Hell, it’s wild how you can love anything that makes you lose sleep this much. But it’s just indescribable. People overuse the term blessed, but I believe this is truly one of those times in life when you should use it. Am I getting too sappy for a Korked Bats blog? Probably. So I won’t even get into the fact about how I cried multiple times this morning. Can’t make fun of me for that either, since I didn’t get into it.

Very rarely do I share personal news on this blog, but the few times I do, they’re big moments. Like my new job, my move to Chicago and now the birth of my offspring. Thanks to all of you cool kids who have followed along on the journey. It’s made the experience that much cooler. And I should add that she was born at 5:02 am central time. Meaning, the early morning wake-up crew has itself a brand new member.

One last thing… my condolences for anyone who lost money on this bet too, but I did NOT name her Derricka Henry Huff. Not for a lack of trying though. Wife just wouldn’t let me.

Ok, I lied. ONE MORE last thing…


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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