Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

If You’re Gonna DO BEERS, Maybe Don’t Steal Them From Neyland Stadium


Two people were taken into custody after police said security cameras captured video of them breaking into Neyland Stadium just after midnight Monday.

Dispatchers reported that five people were seen crawling under a hole in the fence near gate 22.

When UTPD officers arrived, they said two people carrying 24 packs of beer were still inside the fence.

Look, there’s no blog on the Internet that’s a bigger advocate for DOIN’ BEERS than this one, but we don’t suggest DOIN’ TIME with it.

Although, with that said, I admire these kids’ determination for the DO BEERS movement. In fact, dare I say I respect it. They didn’t just want beers, they wanted stadium beers. And in a time where we’ve been without sports since what feels like since the Ice Bucket Challenge was a thing, I can’t blame them. Give me stadium beers, stadium semi-stale pretzels, and just stadium closeness to other people. We’re in a dark sports-less well right now, and these people just wanted to fill that well with stadium beer. Plus, they were probably just making sure the stadium beer didn’t go bad, so they were actually doing Neyland Stadium a favor.

Now you’re probably wondering how someone breaks into a stadium on a non-gameday to begin with? I have an idea how.


Neyland Stadium is home to the Tennessee Volunteers. It’s a 100,000+ seat stadium. So it’s obviously massive. And it conveniently provides a quick getaway along the Tennessee River as long as you know how to drive a boat or if you know someone in the Vol Navy.

I also love this addition to the story:

One person admitted that an officer warned them it was a bad idea to break into the stadium because it is under 24-hour surveillance.

Laugh out loud. They ran this plan by a cop first who said, “Yeah, you shouldn’t do it.” Uhh, ya think? And it turns out he was right. But really, this only plays into my theory. They spoke to cops about their plan because they were dressed as cops.

Now sure, they probably just snuck in the same way they got out, under the fence near Gate 22, but don’t ruin this for me. I like to imagine this break in being much more elaborate and much more entertaining, even though Affleck and Renner ripped Fenway for $3.5 million, and these kids only took $624 worth of beer out of Neyland. And given stadium prices, that only equates to like six beers.

Look, if you’re going to DO BEERS, don’t STEAL BEERS. I feel like I should add that disclaimer. Like how beer ads have to tell you to drink responsibly, I now have to tell you to get your drinks responsibly.

Also, I found it interesting that this all went down at Neyland and only 2 out of 5 people were caught. Let me repeat… 2 and 5. 2-5?! Blows, your mind doesn’t it, Vols fans?

Also, not to brag, but our DO BEERS online bar went over 100 followers yesterday. But the best part is, we never have to worry about thee fire marshal showing up and shutting us down for too many people.


Korked Beers Twitter | Korked Beers Instagram


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.