Sunday, April 21, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

If You Vandalize The Bean, You Deserve Life In Prison

A teen has been charged with vandalizing Chicago’s iconic Bean in Millennium Park, Chicago police said. Diego Corona, 18, was spraying graffiti onto the Bean, formally known as “Cloud Gate,” around 6:10 p.m. Friday in the 200 block of East Randolph Street when another man, 20, confronted him, according to police.

via WBBM News Radio

Just my opinion here, and with no intent to get political by any means, but if you vandalize the Bean, you deserve to live the rest of your life in prison. Hell, you should spend that prison time in isolation locked up like Hannibal Lecter. And even still the punishment wouldn’t fit that crime. The audacity to walk up to an iconic structure such as the Bean and do anything other than take a selfie, touch it, and or say “Wow, it sure is a lot bigger in person,” is just monstrous. The only graffiti you should tag the Bean with is the grease from your slimy fingers as you touch it to get a cool-looking photo. The Bean – formerly known as Cloud Gate – is just that, a gift from the clouds. What is it? Who knows. I’m not here to ask questions. I’m just here to enjoy cool crap. And the Bean is just that. Whenever anyone comes to Chicago and asks what they should do, my first reply: “you gotta see the Bean.” You know why? Because you gotta see the Bean. It’s iconic. I’ll dare to say it’s the greatest landmark/monument we have in Chicago. Scratch that, America. Scratch that, Earth! What’s better? Stonehenge? They’re literally rocks. The Grand Canyon? Just indented rocks. Rock City in Chattanooga? You might want to sit down for this, but again, more rocks. Now that I think about it, The Bean might be the only landmark that isn’t a rock or made of rocks. Plus, it’s a freaking mirror shaped like a damn bean. How much more awesome can you even get?

And for someone to try and deface that bean-shaped mirror is just beyond me. It makes me sick. And aside from the onset of the third World War, it’s the worst thing to happen this year. That teenager should be ashamed of himself and punished to the fullest (and maybe further) extent of the law. Nobody messes with the Bean and gets away with it. Not on my watch.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.