If Chris Johnson Hired A Twitter Intern…

September 8, 2011April 9, 2020 Austin

If you follow the NFL at all (or if your name isn’t Nerd McNerderson), you probably heard Chris Johnson’s name in the news last week. Chris Johnson is the running back for the Tennessee Titans and is often referred to as one of the best players in the NFL. Two seasons ago (in his 2nd year in the league), Johnson rushed for over 2,000 yards in a season becoming just the 6th running back in NFL history to accomplish that feat. And he’s the first to do so with dreadlocks. That second stat isn’t as meaningful, nor is it interesting.

For the past two years, Chris Johnson has felt strongly that Chris Johnson is extremely under paid (and yes, he thinks in the third-person). He restructured his contract last season. With the raise he was making $800,000/year, which, for a first job out of college, is pretty good. This year he said enough is enough. No, we’re kidding. He doesn’t enunciate. This year he said ’nuff is ’nuff. So Chris Johnson held-out until the Titans decided to restructure his contract.

The Titans and Chris Johnson agreed to terms on a 4-year, $53.5 million contract yesterday. And in case you’re wondering, $30 million of that is guaranteed. Before CJ and the Titans agreed to a new deal, tensions were running high… like Ricky Williams, running high. The Titans didn’t want to pay him the amount he wanted, training camp and preseason games had started and neither side was even talking, the Jersey Shore cast was ironing their graphic tee’s before going out, and Titans fans showed their frustration with CJ by calling him greedy. They’d write it on Twitter, on their Facebook statuses, stati, statusen, the plural of status, and they’d even include it in their resumés on LinkedIn. They also wrote it on MySpace, but no one saw that.

With all the buzz that was going on with everything we just mentioned, Chris Johnson was dealing with a lot. A lot. And when an athlete is having to deal with a lot, they usually take to Twitter to deal with it. This was exactly the case with Chris Johnson.

Last Wednesday, CJ tweeted:

And, like fellow Titans teammate Kenny Britt after getting arrested once, he didn’t stop there:

…so all those mannequins at the Titans Team Store wearing Chris Johnson jerseys must be so upset right now.

Just when you thought there was no possible way to misspell the word Love, Chris Johnson does in a hashtag.

We’ve seen it all before. Players turn to Twitter to express their feelings, frustrations, and private parts. With no filter, they’re able to tweet things that often times get them in more trouble or cause more of an uproar than they were in initially. However, leave it to us here at Korked Bats to provide a solution.

We can’t blame Chris Johnson for tweeting things that will taint his image. We can’t blame him for using poor grammar and not using punctuation. He’s in too much of a hurry to worry about that. If you’ve seen him at work on the football field, then you know first hand, he’s always running. He doesn’t have time for periods or semicolons to slow him down. In fact, he as shown above, he doesn’t even have the time to write the word LOVE with the right letters or even the right amount of letters. (That or his education level is that of a lamp post. Either, or.) In fact, we’re beginning to wonder if Chris Johnson even has time to tweet.

The reason his tweets are so illegible is because he just doesn’t have the time. Here’s where our idea comes in.

While Chris Johnson is busy “bumpin to tha carter 4,” “chillen,” or enjoying one of the top 3 showers of all-time, he needs someone to not only tweet for him, but someone to tweet in a respectable manner to help clean his image off to portray a more educated and polished Christopher Johnson. That’s right, Christopher. And maybe, just maybe Christov.

The Tennessee Titans play in Nashville, Tennessee. You know what else is in Nashville, Tennessee? Vanderbilt. What is a Vanderbilt, you ask? Vanderbilt is like a Baylor to the SEC. Only smarter and worse at football. Vanderbilt is known for being an institute of higher education. Getting a degree from Vanderbilt compared to other schools is like getting a Gotta Have It from Coldstone Creamery compared to a GoGurt from your fridge.

Thousands of students are enrolled in Vanderbilt University, meaning thousands of students are looking for internships to count for college credit, help them find a job for after college and most importantly, to brag to fellow students in their major about the connections they’ve made through it.

What if we posed the opportunity for some of the nation’s nerdiest smartest college students to construct hundreds of 140-characters or less tweets per day to send out to over 460,000 followers? Here’s an idea.

Chris Johnson’s Tweet: