Two of our favorite things in this world are baseball and women. Needless to say, we are very happy when the two of these get mixed together. However, we’ve learned from A League Of Their Own that women playing baseball would never work. Even with someone as funny as Tom Hanks as your manager. So what’s the next best thing? Baseball cheerleaders. However, that hasn’t quite garnered enough attention in the sport as your typical male would hope, so for now, first pitches will have to do.
It’s nearly July and let’s face it, it’s getting hotter by the day (referring to both the weather and girls). So we here at Korked Bats have compiled and ranked, for your convenience, the hottest first pitch throwers in baseball. So read on and check out our list. And don’t worry, for our women readers (and extremely feminine unsure of your sexual orientation readers), we have included some men in our list as well. All of those included on our list may have 99 problems, but a pitch ain’t one.
You can thank us later.
The Top Ten Hottest First Pitches
If we were going by hottest pop culture icons, then Barry would probably be towards the top of our list. Let’s face it, the guy gets more face time than Billy Mays (Rest In Peace) in the middle of the night on cable channels. However, Obie does need to learn one thing. When throwing out the first pitch at a stadium, you don’t wear a hat of your favorite team unless it’s the team your throwing out the first pitch for. Everyone knows you’re a White Sox fan. You don’t need to remind everyone every time you make your way into a baseball stadium. I don’t mean to get into any political turmoil here on our site, but Obie, you could learn a little bit from previous presidents. Especially presidents who used to own the Texas Rangers. Not just a fan of them.
Speaking of proper things to wear when throwing out a first pitch, Obama could learn a thing or two from the infamous Mr. T. I would vote for any president who’d wear an ensemble like this. In fact, I pitty da fool that don’t wear America pants! Mr. T promoted himself from The A-Team to The Bad-A Team!
Now, I’m not really in to hairy Sasquatch animals, I’m not a huge Robin Williams fan. However, I’ve heard that as far as wookiees go, Chewbacca is one of the best looking. Unfortunately for him, this is Earth and not Kashyyyk. He’d be at the top of our list if this list was made a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.
Don’t get me wrong, Mariah Carey is very beautiful. In fact, I used to have a huge crush on her during my freshman year… of college. I would constantly get caught singing ‘We Belong Together‘ in the community showers of my dorm. Of course, I have no idea why I am telling you all of this. It is highly unnecessary information for this list. The reason she is an honorable mention as opposed to being on our Top Ten list, is because of how awkward she looks when throwing out a first pitch.
Once again, a very beautiful woman. A very ugly hideous throw. Seriously, it’s a first pitch, not a first shot put. When throwing a ball, she automatically turns into Scary Spice. She plays ball like a girl more than Phillips from Sandlot.
The Top Ten Hottest First Pitches
10. Danica Patrick
Danica is very pretty, but unfortunately for her when it comes to her throwing, she’s just not as fast as the boys. Of course, things aren’t much different on the race track either.
9. Eva Longoria
8. Tom Cruise
Forget Interleague Play! This list is Intergender Play. Let’s be honest, Tom Cruise is a very attractive guy. I’m not going to lie, I have a bit of a man crush on him and I know a lot of men do. Let’s just say that like Renee Zellweger, (who you will definitely not find on this list) he had me at hello in Jerry Maguire.
7. Giselle Bündchen
What would a list of beautiful people be without Giselle Bündchen? Well, it probably wouldn’t be a list of beautiful people (or a list of people with ridiculous last names). Giselle got her fame from marrying Tom Brady being extremely attractive.
6. Mario Lopez
Even though he was a wrestler/football player in high school at Bayside High, he still has the athleticism, strength, and boyish good looks to throw out a first pitch. I think it’s the dimples that woo the ladies. Now, I’m not gay, but if I was…
5. Holly Madison
This ex-Playmate is as girly of a girl as they come. She probably had no idea how to throw out a first pitch, but regardless, she looked good, excuse me, VERY GOOD doing it. She has really good… umm… form. Of course, her knowledge of the sport of baseball is probably about as fake as her… umm… eye lashes.
4. Kim Kardashian
Has anyone figured out why Kim Kardashian is famous, yet? Let’s face it, she is the hottest of the Kardashian sisters. Mainly because she doesn’t look like a beached whale… she ate her other sisters… her other family members. Regardless of how she got famous, let’s all just be thankful that she is at worst case to make the tradition of the first pitch more, well, beautiful.
3. Audrina Partridge
Audrina left The Hills for the mound to throw out a first pitch. I’ll be honest, she would be ranked higher on this list, but I’m still a little bitter for her fooling around with Brody behind L.C.’s back. Plus she constantly makes me frustrated for keep going back to Justin Bobby. That guy is a tool!
…and apparently so am I for watch The Hills.
2. Emmanuelle Chriqui
Emmanuelle Chiqui is a girl that I would like to get to first base with. I would probably like to go to other bases with her but I’m not exactly sure what all the “bases” entail. When it came to throwing out the first pitch, she did it by herself and left her Entourage at home. (Side Note: A new season of Entourage begins tonight, June 27th, on HBO. See for yourself how attractive Emmanuelle Chiqui, or Sloan in the show, is.)
1. Lauren Conrad
L.C. is our second star from The Hills to make our list. I hate to use the typical baseball clichés like, “She’s a home run!” But let’s face it, “She’s a home run!” In fact, she might even be a walk-off grand slam in the bottom of the ninth in game 7 of the World Series. If she were a baseball player, she’d be “Babe” Ruth. Thank you for being easy on the eyes, L.C.!