fbpx
Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Hipster Joe Maddon Releases Lineup “You Haven’t Heard Of Yet”

Tampa Bay Rays Manager Joe Maddon seems to be growing into his glasses. Before yesterday’s game in Boston, Maddon nonchalantly turned in his team’s lineup, sighed and said, “You probably haven’t heard of it yet.”

To the surprise of everyone, his lineup actually consisted of players we hadn’t heard of yet. Names of indie band bassists, local baristas, and a few extras from a Wes Anderson film were all included in the lineup. A local brewery in Indiana was even listed as playing center field and batting fifth.

Rays General Manager Andrew Friedman was unsure how to react. “I didn’t want to come down hard on him, because I didn’t want him to rebel more than he already has,” Friedman said. “When I first confronted him on his recent behavioral changes, [Maddon] locked himself in his office and played Arcade Fire’s entire album The Suburb on repeat for four straight hours.”

Friedman said some of Maddon’s behavioral changes have included wearing tighter pants, getting a tattoo of a Lana Del Rey lyric across his chest, his constant misuse of the word “ironic,” and his request to put a Pabst Blue Ribbon vending machine in the locker room. Friedman first caught wind of this new “hipster” Joe when he was one of twelve people behind an “Occupy Tropicana Field” movement for the Rays home opener this season. Since then, Friedman acknowledged Maddon’s lifestyle as a “drastic transformation” comparable to “Heidi Montag of The Hills.”

“I’ll admit, I was initially disturbed with the lineup he turned in. Before the game, I went to inform him that this stunt was the final straw,” Friedman stated. “However, I was quickly informed that his lineup wasn’t made up. Apparently, we just have a really deep farm system.”

Friedman later admitted, “Except for the Indiana brewery. That was made up. Upton started instead.”

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

 

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.