Saturday, July 20, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Hey Geriatrics, It’s Time To Take Your Wrinkly Arthritis Hands Off Baseball!

Dear Chris Woodward, I say this with the least amount of respect — SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Mr. Woodward, he’s the manager of the Texas Rangers and yesterday, he decided to take exception to Fernando Tatis Jr. hitting his second home run of the game (a 3-run oppo-blast on a 3-0 count) en route to a 14-4 drubbing of the Walker Texas Rangers. Squidward, sorry, Woodward is a lover of the “Unwritten Rules” of baseball, and he felt that Tatis was being disrespectful to said rules when he took a 3-0 meatball from Juan Nicasio (a former member of the Phillies’ bullpen, so he is used to giving up the longball) over the right field wall, as opposed to letting the perfect pitch go by. To make matters worse, Squidward retaliated by telling Ian Gibaut (the pitcher who replaced Nicasio) to throw behind the next batter, Padres’ slugger Manny Machado.

What followed that, however, REALLY rubbed me the wrong way — Machado seemed to be nodding his head in a “yes” manner, as if he knew that was coming, and that he deserved it because of the home run. On top of that, FTJ’s own manager, Jayce Tingler (sick name bro), the guy who is supposed to be his skipper and have his back, was understanding of the Rangers’ ire and actions. Forgive me, but if I’m on the Padres and I see that ball fly behind Machado, I am sprinting full speed out of the dugout and toward that mound to have my teammate’s back — but maybe that’s just me.

“He’s young, a free spirit and focused and all those things,” Tingler told reporters. “That’s the last thing that we’ll ever take away. It’s a learning opportunity and that’s it. He’ll grow from it. “Just so you know, a lot of our guys have green light 3–0. But in this game in particular, we had a little bit of a comfortable lead. We’re not trying to run up the score or anything like that.”

via SI.com

I don’t know about you all, but I don’t want to play for an apologist, especially when an apology is not warranted. Trevor Bauer of the Cincinnati Reds is known to speak his mind, and his reaction to this whole situation sums it up perfectly–

HEY, OLD PEOPLE, LISTEN UP: Baseball is dying. Baseball needs players like Fernando Tatis Jr. He makes the game fun and exciting, especially for the younger generation that is currently growing up and will be the future of baseball (if it still exists in 20 years because a bunch of geriatrics didn’t already kill it).

Instead of shaming guys and throwing 99 mph fastballs at their heads for hitting dingers and having fun, you should embrace it. Trying to hurt someone just because they got the better of you should not be condoned. That kind of stuff doesn’t make young kids want to play this game–in fact it makes them terrified to step into the batter’s box.

How about this? How about you sign pitchers who can throw strikes and don’t get into 3-0 holes against professional hitters. While you’re at it, you should also vote Barry Bonds, the greatest player to EVER play professional baseball (besides Josh Gibson), into the Hall of Fame. You take your liver spotted hands off of the game I have loved since I was 3 years old and let it grow. Stop ruining it. It’s 2020, not 1920. Our world and country has changed drastically since then and baseball itself NEEDS to change if it’s going to last another hundred years. لعبت روليت  

P.S. – As I wrote this post, Woodward and Gibaut have both been suspended due to their actions following the home run, one game and three games, respectively. IMHO, Machado and Tingler should also be suspended for being soft AF, but hey, what do I know. العاب ماكينات قمار

P.P.S. – Fernando Tatis Jr. continues to give zero F’s and stole third base while up 6 runs yesterday. Hashtag FTJ for commissioner. Scratch that. FTJ for president.

This post was written by Hubb. Follow him on IG: @erikemeryhubbard


Erik, AKA Hubb, is Philly born and bred, loves memes and his dog, is always Hailing to Pitt, and he doesn’t have an appendix.


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