Happy Arm’iversary!

July 20, 2009 Jared

A couple of days ago, I received the following text from Austin Huff:*

“Hey you gorgeous, talented man, you. If your pretty little head can find some time in the next few days, would you mind writing a blog post about the 40-year anniversary of the lunar landing? Try to relate it to sports if you can. You’re so clever and talented, I feel so secure putting this post idea in your muscular arms. Thanks.”

*I accidentally deleted the text he sent me, so I had to do my best to summarize what he said.

Quite literally the first thing to come to my mind was this: “40 year’s huh? That means we landed on the moon in ’69. Heh heh.”

I thought about making this post be a giant sexual innuendo, but that doesn’t really relate it to sports, so I stripped that idea. (That’ll be my only one, I promise!)

What I ultimately settled on is this: I love making use of Blogspot’s “bulleted list” function, and there are way more connections between July 20th, 1969 (heh heh) and sports than you would think. Coincidence? Probably so, but I’d like to think this is what Austin was going for- a bulleted list that brings together the Lunar Landing and sports.

Let’s see if we can’t make these seemingly polar opposites 69!- er- come together- er- procreate- er- (awkward pause)…uh, yeah.

The first mission to ever land a man on the moon was Apollo 11. The movie “Apollo 13” shows footage of Apollo 11. “Apolo 13” starred Tom Hanks as Jim Lovell. Tom Hanks played both football and ping pong in “Forrest Gump.”
Neil Armstrong was the first man to ever step foot on the moon. There is an official in the NHL Hall of Fame named Neil Armstrong.
Neil Armstrong hates Nascar.
The same day that Armstrong landed on the moon, Honduras and El Salvador declared to cease fire, bringing an end to the aptly named “Football War.”
On the 7-year anniversary of the Lunar Landing, Hank Aaron hit his final career home run- number 755
Singer Vitamin C was born the day of the Lunar Landing. Her song, “Graduation (Friends Forever)” has been played at countless high schools at graduation time. People play sports in high school.
Isn’t there a football team called the “’69ers?” No? Ok.
R & B artist Roy Hamilton died the day of the Lunar Landing. Before getting into music, Hamilton was a boxer.
July 20th was the 201st day of 1969 (heh heh). Former Royals manager Buddy Bell hit 201 home runs during his playing career. He was a 3rd basemen that made his major league debut 3 years after the Lunar Landing. (Reaching? Yeah.)
Bill Dickey had 1,969 hits. I couldn’t make this up people. Willie Dickey had 1,969 hits.
Michael Collins- the forgotten third member of Apollo 11 that only got to orbit the moon while Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin make history- shares a name with four sports figures: a current Irish soccer player, a current Welsh rugby player, a former U.S. midfielder for the national team, and the current head coach of the football team at the University of Louisiana.
Seriously, Neil Armstrong hates Nascar.
In Spanish, the word “moon” translates to “luna.” Luna Lovegood, of the Harry Potter series, is well-known for wearing a very realistic looking, roaring lion head to Quidditch matches in support of Gryffindor, even though she is in Ravenclaw. Quidditch is a sport.
Upon landing on the moon, Neil Armstrong said “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Armstrong neglected to put the preposition “a” in front of “man.” I guess what I’m trying to say is that athletes suck at talking.
Armstrong later added “F*** Nascar.”
When crushed up, moon rocks kind of look like cocaine. At least that’s what Michael Irvin told me.
In “Apollo 13,” they play that song “Spirit in the Sky.” They also play that song in “Remember the Titans.”
British Golfer Tony Jacklin won the 1969 British open on July 20th.
Tiger Woods has played golf on the moon.
Bob Knight is one of the best college basketball coaches of all time. The moon comes out at night.
Ken Griffey Jr. was born in 1969 (heh heh.), the same year of the Lunar Landing.
Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon. Lance Armstrong was the first person to win the Tour de France with one testicle.
Is Neil Armstrong actually Lance Armstrong?
Buzz Aldrin was the second man on the moon. He has the same name as Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story. Tim Allen did the voice of Buzz Lightyear. Tim Allen played Tim Taylor in the TV show, Home Improvement. In that show, Tim Taylor is a Detroit Lions fan. The Detroit Lions are in sports.
In last year’s Home Run Derby, on one of Josh Hamilton’s monstrous shots, Chris Berman said: “He hit that one to the moooooooooon!”
The name of the landing ship was Eagle. Hello?! Philadelphia Eagles! Boston College Eagles! The Washington Capitals!
Neil Armstrong would rather eat real dog crap than watch Nascar.