Greg Biffle Wins Unofficial Race to Next Stoplight

Last Saturday, NASCAR superstar Greg Biffle improved to 112-2 in unofficial races that take place in his head. Saturday’s race took place at the stoplight on the corner of Sandrosa Avenue and Allibaster Drive just outside Miami, one block east of the finish line at Cupertino Drive. The race was enacted when Biffle noticed 16 year old Tina Hartman pull up next to him in her new 2009 Kia Sophia.

“I glanced over and saw her in her green car, and that’s when I decided ‘Greg, it’s on.’ And that’s when I knew: it was on.”

After deciding to race Tina and her Kia, Greg revved the engine of his 470 horsepower Camero in an attempt to intimidate her. According to Biffle, though, she seemed “unaffected by my man-mobile.”

Biffle used every technique in the books to get the edge over Tina, including checking the opposite street light, waiting for it to turn orange in an attempt to time his green light as well as possible.

Hartman claims she was oblivious to the one-block drag race, and once interviewed on the issue she said, “We’re just driving cars, it’s not a race. Driving cars isn’t even a sport.”


Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.