Saturday, April 13, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Going Out On A Limb And Guessing EmRata Isn’t Showcasing The Best Way To Hold A Baby

This photo was apparently posted a week ago, but I’m just now seeing it – so bear with me. I’m a big Emily Ratajkowski fan. And not for the reasons you’d think – like she’s hot and has big boobs – no, I actually like EmRata for her work in the 2015 film We Are Your Friends which scored a whopping 39% on Rotten Tomatoes. Why do I like this movie when it appears no one else did? Was it Zack Effron? Maybe. Was it the fact that it was directed by Max Joseph from MTV’s Catfish fame? Maybe. Was it the fact that it was set in Southern California? روليت اون لاين للايفون Probably. (I’m a sucker for anything set in SoCal.) But all of that paired with EmRata definitely sucked me in. I’ll admit, she’s no Meryl Streep with her acting. In fact, I’d maybe say her acting is on par with her ability to hold a baby, but something about her and that movie I love. So I’ve always been a fan. قوانين لعبة بوكر

Now, I know ‘parent shaming’ isn’t the best thing in the world. It’s probably one of the darkest pockets of the internet. To each their own, right? And I’d say that’s not what I’m doing here. I’m merely ‘parent suggesting.’ Mainly because ‘parent shaming’ would suggest I know a damn thing about parenting – which I don’t. I don’t have a clue about how to raise a child, let alone carry a baby. Hell, the way she’s carrying that baby is the way I would carry a baby.

The only thing I know is how to carry a football. I’m not sure if this will help Em Rata or not, but it helped me never to fumble – which I would imagine is the most important stat in parenting. In college, we learned the five points of contact. 1. fingertips cover the nose of the football, 2. palm is placed firmly against the football, 3. forearm squeezes the wide part of the football, 4. the other nose of the football is placed firmly in the bicep, 5. the other wide part of the football is pressed firmly against the chest… and BOOM! Five points of contact. Now, admittedly, I don’t know if you can carry a baby that way, but if so, you’ll have the best ball security of all the parents in your friend group. That much is for certain.

Also, shout out this baby who is holding onto Em Rata like Hans Gruber hanging off Nakatomi Plaza.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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