Get Rich! Here Are Gator’s Best NFL Picks On The Internet – Week 2

Week 1 of the NFL was a roller coaster of emotions for football fans as we welcomed back our favorite Sunday activity. My picks were on a different type of roller coaster. After the 1:00 games, I was a dismal 3-7 and ready to retire from my short stint as the Korked Bats football prognosticator. As the hate mail poured in and the tears streamed out, I needed a miracle to start the season with a winning week. Well guess what fans, that miracle happened. Ya boy Gator was right on all 6 of the remaining games left on the Week 1 slate. 9-7 is not great, but hey, we won more than we lost and that’s a good place to start. With that being said, let’s jump right in and hopefully improve on a decent first showing!

Bengals @ Browns (CLE -6)

The Bengals showed heart in Week 1. They were an offensive pass interference call, and a missed chip shot away from beating a feisty Chargers team. The Browns did not. Odell Beckham Jr and the rest of the squad had what can only be described as a crappy performances against Baltimore, getting walloped by 32 points. Hulu’s new commercial features Baker Mayfield’s head superimposed onto a tiny guy unable to throw a football. I don’t know why they couldn’t just use the real Baker in the spot. It’s hard to win games when your quarterback is hot trash. In a slight upset, I’m taking the Bengals to win Week 2’s “Toilet Bowl.”

PICK: Bengals 23, Browns 17

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Rams @ Eagles (LAR -1.5)

Oh man, the city of Philadelphia is not happy after week 1. If you listen to local sports radio, you would think that Carson Wentz personally spat on 15% of the city. The only bright spot for Philadelphia last week was the Cowboys lost (thanks to the Rams). The only reason I’m picking the Eagles (besides the fact that I will never pick against them), is because Sean McVay feels personally attacked by the NFL telling coaches to wear their masks during games. He’s gonna be too busy worrying about what mask to wear that he forgets to game plan. Friggin’ millennials. If not there could be riots down Broad St leading to the destruction of both Pat and Genos! Don’t worry though, they’re just tourist traps. If you find yourself in Philly and want an actual cheesesteak, check out my favorite place: Abners. They do it right. No free shout outs though.

PICK: Rams 24, Eagles 29

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Panthers @ Buccaneers (TB -8)

It felt really good watching Tom Brady look his age on Sunday. He looked more lost on the field than he did in Ted 2. Leave the acting to Peyton, old man. You’re stale and no one outside of New England and Florida likes you. Let’s take this hate a step further. Currently, I’d rather have Teddy Bridgewater as my quarterback than TB12 (the 12 stands for his QBR). Bucs start 0-2 and Bruce Arians considers starting Blaine Gabbert in week 3.

PICK: Panthers 27, Bucs 26

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Broncos @ Steelers (PIT -6.5)

Fun fact, this is the first time in NFL history that two teams who played on Monday the previous week play each other the next week! That’s enough history for me to tune in! Big Ben is looking to have another impressive week after outrushing Saquon Barkley in Week 1 (no, really he did – check A.D.’s article). Pittsburgh is sneaky good this year and they’ll be celebrating with a primanti’s sandwich after their win on Sunday!

PICK: Broncos 16, Steelers 31

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Falcons @ Cowboys (DAL -5)

Is this a must win for the Cowboys? Should the Falcons be getting rid of Matt Ryan and moving on from the Matty Ice era? Will Jerry Jones inject players who don’t stand for the Anthem with COVID-19??? Who’s Deion Sanders going to root for??? These are all questions that I don’t have the answer to. One thing I do know is that Gator Flint hates the Cowboys and everything they stand (or sometimes kneel) for. That’s why we’re riding with the Dirty Birds one more time. #DallasSucks

PICK: Falcons 33, Cowboys 23

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Lions @ Packers (GB -6)

I said it last week, and I’ll say it again. Do not bet against an angry Aaron Rodgers! He was so angry he won AD’s Crown of the Week. I feel bad for the Lions who were a dropped pass away from winning a game they really should have had against the Bears, but they’re in a lot of trouble this week. Does Jake from State Farm offer life insurance too? If so, the Lions defense should be giving him a call before this match up.

PICK: Lions 13, Packers 42

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Vikings @ Colts (IND -3)

Man, if I was a Colts fan I would really hate Andrew Luck. To not only be the reason they got rid of Peyton Manning, but to then retire before 30??? Wow. Also, pretty hilarious that the Colts assumed that Philip Rivers would be the solution to their quarterback problems. He’s the only quarterback in the league that looks older than Brady, but I guess that’ll happen when you have 9 kids. Honestly the man should retire, try for three more, and then pitch a remake of Cheaper by the Dozen starring his whole family. Lord knows it’ll have a better chance to succeed than the Colts do with him as quarterback. Easier to watch too.

PICK: Viking 27, Colts 20

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Bills @ Dolphins (BUF -5.5)

Big 10 Football is coming back, but I won’t be satisfied until I see another league back in action. No, not the Pac-12… the Ivy League! Give me Harvard vs. Penn over USC vs. UCLA any day! Speaking of Harvard, Ryan Fitzpatrick (who – fun fact – went to Harvard) is going to try and bounce back from a loss in Foxborough. The Bills are good, but I think Fitzpatrick has one more trick up his sleeve. Sorry, Bills Mafia, you’ll get ’em next week.

PICK: Bills 20, Dolphins 24

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Giants @ Bears (CHI -6)

In a game only a mother could love, the Giants head to Chicago for what is sure to be a snoozer. Sure, the Bears won last week, but it was only after the Lions decided to stop playing in the 4th quarter, so I’m going to take it with a grain of salt. Bold prediction for this game, I think Saquon Barkley reaches double digits in rushing yards this week. Even more bold! The Giants pull off the upset.

PICK: Giants 14, Bears 10

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49ers @ Jets (SF -7)

Are the 49ers legitimate contenders this year? Probably not. It’s not too often that you see a Super Bowl loser bounce back with a good repeat season, and it seems like the 49ers are the perfect team to follow that trend. Yes, Jimmy Garoppolo is a handsome dude who dates super models and porn stars, but he’s just an average quarterback. It was clear from Week 1 that Kyle Shanahan has still not recovered from yet another Super Bowl choke, and this team seems destined to underachieve. However, the Jets are horrible, and the 49ers keep their fans’ false hopes alive for another week.

PICK: 49ers 24, Jets 3

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Jaguars @ Titans (TEN -8)

Minshew Mania is back with a vengeance! Break out the sweet fake mustaches, and get your Napoleon Dynamite memes ready because the Jags won a game! Next up, stopping Derrick Henry! One problem, no one stops Derrick Henry. Titans end the Minshew fantasy in a big way on Sunday and the Jags go back to tanking.

PICK: Jaguars 10, Titans 30

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Football Team @ Cardinals (AZ -6.5)

Wow, everyone who saw the Football Team and Cardinals both winning in Week 1 raise your hand. Now everyone who has their hand up, slap yourself in the face with it because you’re a dirty liar. Don’t let the Football Team winning a game distract you from the fact that Dwayne Haskins is a godawful quarterback. He started the game 3-for-13 with 31 yards passing, and only was able to rally when the Eagles decided to stop playing at half. The Football Team get snapped back to reality this week.

PICK: Football Team 16, Cardinals 31

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Ravens @ Texans (BAL -7)

I was stupid enough to pick against the Ravens last week. I learned my lesson the hard way. Lamar Jackson is here to make defenses wonder what they’re doing with their lives, and Patrick Maholmes put an end to the Madden Curse last year so I don’t think there’s anything that can stop Baltimore. Tough break for the Texans to have to play the Chiefs and the Ravens to open the season, but hey, isn’t that what 2020 is all about?

PICK: Ravens 38, Texans 28

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Chiefs @ Chargers (KC -9)

Speaking of the Chiefs, they head to San Diego Los Angeles to take on the Chargers. Will Andy Reid be wearing the foggy face mask he sported in Week 1, or will he switch up? Who knows? Big Red could show up in a full-on Chiefs hazmat suit. That’d be something. Either way, Mahomes is too good to lose. Chargers cover though! Barely.

PICK: Chiefs 27, Chargers 19

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Patriots @ Seahawks (SEA -4)

Well, well, well, looks like Cam Newton is about to have a revival in New England. It was only a matter of time before Cam bounced back with his flamboyant outfits, and questionable hair styles. With the evil genius behind the hoodie as his coach, Look for Cam to be a dark horse MVP candidate moving forward. Yes the game’s in Seattle, but they won’t have their 12th man in the stands. A slight upset, but the Patriots prove for a second straight week that Brady was just a system quarterback.

PICK: Patriots 17, Seahawks 13

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Saints @ Raiders (NO -5.5)

Monday night in Las Vegas just got a lot more exciting! What’s usually a night reserved for degenerates to lose their pay checks at blackjack tables, is now hosting Monday Night Football! One thing to watch, Jason Witten who was arguably the worst Monday Night commentator will be on the field. No, not as a sideline reporter, but as a backup tight end for the Raiders. Are there hard feelings? Probably, but due to his lack of an actual impact on the field, hopefully we can all just gloss over the awkwardness. Anyways, Saints win, and Jon Gruden is caught on camera asking crappy Derek Carr if he took crappy quarterback lessons from his crappy brother David.

PICK: Saints 35, Raiders 17

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That wraps up another exciting week of Gator’s Picks! Now get out there and make some money!