Finally, Some Good News About Subway
Before I go any further, you probably assumed I was talking about the Bill Belichick Subway Commercial or maybe the fact that Subway brought back the Rib Sandwich.
No, actually, this good news will make anyone who hates Subway as much as I do extremely happy. In fact, I’ve been smiling ear to ear since hearing the news. Unlike the famed Disney Channel Original Movie, Subway did not have any “Luck of the Irish” in the Ireland Courts.
Subway Bread Cannot Legally Be Called ‘Bread,’ Irish Court Rules
headline via Bloomberg
Not just any Irish Court. THE FREAKING IRISH SUPREME COURT! The Supreme Court of Ireland had to make a ruling on shitty Subway bread. Just when you thought 2020 couldn’t get any whackier, we are presented with this head scratching news. The Irish Supreme Court ruled that Subway’s bread contains too much sugar for it to be classified as bread. Imagine that. You thought you were eating a regular* sandwich from Subway and you might as well be eating an ice cream sandwich. This is terrible news for parents everywhere, who thought they were getting an easy and healthy meal for their kids at Subway. No wonder kids don’t mind Subway, it’s like a trip to the candy store. What’s next? The Rib Sandwich isn’t actually made out of ribs? $5 footlongs aren’t actually 12 inches? The Italian BLT isn’t really from Italy? If you’ve been a longtime hater of Subway, this is no surprise to you. I have legitimately been saying this for years, but now I finally have a court ruling to back me up.
The bread looks like it’s been sitting out for 3 weeks. Forget your teeth, you could probably break a window with that loaf.
via me, commenting on the Subway Rib Sandwich, July 2020
I won’t bore you with the rest of the details of the case, actually I didn’t even bore myself with the details. The headline was all I needed to see to make my 2020 a little bit better. Lord knows we all needed a little glimmer of hope like an Irish Supreme Court bread ruling to lift our spirits.
But of course, Subway is going to have a response, wouldn’t you be mad that a Supreme Court ruled something you’ve been making for 50+ years as something that it’s not?
“Subway’s bread is, of course, bread,” the company said in an email. “We have been baking fresh bread in our restaurants for more than three decades and our guests return each day for sandwiches made on bread that smells as good as it tastes.”
Better start thinking of a new word for your “bread” @ Subway. Little do these guests that return “each day” know, that they are really just addicted to sugar. Quite sad really. And don’t even get me started on the smell.
Before I go, I’d just like to tip my cap to the Irish Supreme Court for reinforcing my hatred of Subway.
