EXCLUSIVE: A Transcript of Lil’ Jon’s Meeting With Tennessee Volunteers Athletics Department

October 1, 2014October 1, 2014 Austin

The University of Tennessee has gotten a lot of attention recently for their newly implemented Third Down For What tradition, where they play Lil’ Jon’s Turn Down For What and just jump around and yell and stuff. It’s kind of like this video below, only a lot less awkward and a lot more cool:

So, naturally rapper Lil’ Jon tweeted at the Volunteers’ football Twitter account:

This had everyone wondering. Does Lil’ Jon want to make a Third Down For What parody of his own song? Does he want to perform at halftime of a game between two middle-of-the-pack SEC East teams (Florida at Tennessee)? Did he mean to tweet at Lil’ Wayne and accidentally tweet at Vols football? WHAT DOES HIS TWEET MEAN?!

Well, you’re in luck. We obtained exclusive transcript of Lil’ Jon’s meeting with the Tennessee Athletics Department…

Lil’ Jon Walks into the Tennessee Volunteers Athletic Department Conference Room with three other big guys (one of whom might be Petey Pablo?), carrying the chalice from Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade that made that one dude melt into dust (not a replica, the exact one from the movie. Lil’ Jon has connections.), blaring his own music on… well, it’s actually unclear, because no one is carrying speakers or anything. It’s unsure where the music is coming from.

Volunteers’ Athletic Director Dave Hart: Mr. Jon, thank you so much for meeting with us today. We are thrilled to have you here on our beautiful campus. These gentlemen with you must be the East Side Boyz. [chuckles to himself] We sometimes refer to ourself as the SEC East Side Boyz. [chuckles some more] But that’s just an internal joke we have here.

Lil’ Jon: OKAYYY!

Dave Hart takes a seat behind his desk, Lil’ Jon sits on one of his chair, and the rest of the men stay standing by the door.

VAD: And Little Jon, that’s such a cool name. Did you get it from Robin Hood? I love Robin Hood!

Lil’ Jon: WHAT?!

VAD: Your name… Little Jon… from Robi… Ya know, what? Nevermind. Can I get you anything to drink? What would you like?

Lil’ Jon: SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS-SHOTS-SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!

VAD: Oh. Ok. Well… Let me see what I can do. [pages secretary on speaker phone] Cynthia, can you get Mr. Jon and the East Side Boyz some shots, shots, shots, shots, shots?

Cynthia: But Mr. Hart, we’re not allowed to have alcohol in university buildings on campu…

VAD: [interrupts] Get it from my 2012 season secret stash. And make it quick. [hangs up the phone] Ok.. Well, let’s get down to business. We are so glad you wanted to meet with us. We were interested in findin… [gets sidetracked by the loud playing music] Actually, Mr. Jon, where is that music coming from?

Lil’ Jon: WHAT?!

VAD: That music. It’s so loud. Do you hear it?

Lil’ Jon: YEAHHH!

VAD: Well, I think if we turn it down, you wouldn’t have to yell all of your answers to my questions. Would you mind turning it down?

Lil’ Jon: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?

VAD: Turn it down so we don’t have to yell over it.

Lil’ Jon: OKAYYY!

Music turns down without anyone in Lil’ Jon’s posse moving.

VAD: That’s better… I still have no idea where that music was coming from… But oh, well… Like I was saying, we are so thrilled that you reached out to us, because we…

Cynthia interrupts the meeting by walking in with a tray full of six bottles of the hardest alcohol in the state of Tennessee, three bottles of alcohol that isn’t even legal in the United States, two cans of Red Bull, and one smaller purple bottle with tape covering the label that says “Dave’s Secret Happy Potion (Only Drink After Vanderbilt Losses)” written in Sharpie.

Cynthia: Ok, what will everyone have?

One of Lil’ Jon’s East Side Boys steps forward.

East Side Boy: Uh, Lil’ Jon will have an Alabama Slamma.

Cynthia: [gasps, horrified] BUT THIS… THIS IS TENNESS…

VAD: [interrupts, yelling] JUST MAKE IT, CYNTHIA!

A dejected and appalled Cynthia begrudgingly begins making the shot.

VAD: I’m sorry for that, Mr. Little Jon. Anything our guests want, they get.

Cynthia begins mixing the shot by shaking it.

Lil’ Jon: SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKA! SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKA!

VAD: You heard the man, Cynthia!

Cynthia, unsure of what that means, begins shaking her whole body. She looks very uncomfortable.

Lil’ Jon: OKAYYY! YEAHHH!

VAD: [nervously smiling] Ha, yeah!

Cynthia quickly makes the drink, pours it into Lil’ Jon’s chalice and hurries out of the room.

VAD: Ok, well. As I was saying, we are thrilled you reached out to us, Mr. Little Jon. We think we can create a partnership that would be, how do they say in the rap game? Turnt?

Lil’ Jon: WHAT?

VAD: Turnt? No? Is that not right? I’m sorry. Trill, maybe? Rad? Anyway, I just think our partnership can be mutually beneficial. We have a number of ideas for what we can work together to accomplish. Like we could change Turn Down For What into Third Down For What, or your song Bitch into Butch, or even Act A Fool into Kill A Dool(ey)…

Lil’ Jon: [interrupts] EVERYONE GET BUCK IN HERE!

In walks a man wearing a suit.

Suit Guy: Hello, my name is Buck. I’m Mr. Lil’ Jon’s attorney.

Buck hands Dave Hart a bunch of papers.

VAD: What is this?!

Lil’ Jon: Those are royalties charges. You must pay that bottom line figure by the end of the month for all of the times you’ve played my song in your stadium.

VAD: Wait, what? I thought you were going to maybe perform at the game or create a new version exclusively for the University of Tennessee?

Buck: No, I’m sorry. But you have the option to pay a hefty fee for the rights to play Mr. Lil’ Jon’s song.

Lil’ Jon: LET’S GO! IF YOU WANT IT, YOU CAN GET IT, LET ME KNOW!

Lil’ John, Buck, the East Side Boyz, and that guy who may or may not be Petey Pablo walk out of the room. The music from when they first walked in goes back to blaring loudly.

VAD: [pages his secretary while continuing to review the papers] Cynthia… bring back in my secret stash please… [lowers his head onto his desk] Oh, and Cynthia, be sure to bring the purple bottle.

End.

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