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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell While Watching The Super Bowl

I watched the Super Bowl with some guys this year. I learned a few things that I want to pass along to you ladies. A few mistakes I made that you might want to stay away from.

1. Don’t say you are picking a team because they seem nicer than the other team.

Although this may be your reasoning, avoid saying this out loud. This is like when you ask your boyfriend if the pants you are wearing make your butt look big and you know good and well they do, but you are waiting to see if he says it out loud.

2. Don’t say expressions like, “Why did that man push him down like that?”

Even though it might seem like a wussy way to tackle someone, I just found out that it is still technically a respectable version of a tackle. Now, to me, it seems lazy and kind of like a 7th grade girl-fight kind of move, but nobody seems to be asking me for my take on football tackles.

3. That man looks too fat to be good at sports.

I guess in football, you can be a fat man. I’ve heard that even if you are fat you can still run really fast and still be in good physical shape. Guys? Really? Do you believe that? Yeah sure, that’s what I’ll tell my next boyfriend.

5. Don’t ask things like, “Why do they keep adding Ham to Eli Manning’s last name?”

This is a tricky one girls. There is a player named Mario Manningham. He doesn’t throw the football. He doesn’t have a really handsome brother that has been out because of neck surgery. And he is probably the only black man on Earth named Mario.

6.  Don’t change what team you are rooting for in the middle of the fourth quarter.

This is what most refer to as “being a bandwagon fan.” Plus, guys can totally use this against you in a counter-argument whenever you rag on them for not being able to commit in a relationship.

7.  Don’t ask for relationship advice during any GoDaddy commercials.

No comment.

Also, one more bonus tip, whatever you do, whenever writing about the Super Bowl, don’t make the fatal mistake of making Superbowl one word instead of two.

You will get blank stares and silence.  No one will remember that you were looking for legitimate help with your personal decisions.

Instead of just throwing out your questions maybe you should just start by heading to Google.com or, if you have more time on your hands to waste, you could utilize that really handy service, CHA CHA. You know, where you text questions to them and then they answer, but only before they send you lots of other weird text messages. Or maybe you can just set up an anonymous box in the kitchen that people can go put questions without public ridicule.

Regardless, hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes to, at least, look like a better sports fan.

The football season may be over, but good news COLLEGE BASKETBALL SEASON IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!

• • •

This post is a part of our bi-weekly The Ladies Room posts for Korked Bats.

Follow The Ladies Room on Twitter: @KBLadiesRoom – Or follow Erin, TLR writer: @erinmcgown

As always, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our up-to-the-minute sports jokes: @korkedbats

 

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