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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Derrick Henry Is An Eddie George Reboot

They say the sequel is never as good as the original. They also say never start an article with an overly used cliché. I’m not entirely sure who “they” are, but “they” are right. Especially on the ‘sequel not being as good as the original’ thing. This sentiment is true for every sequel except Empire Strikes Back, Back To The Future II, Godfather 2, and Terminator 2. Every other sequel, however, is awful. Don’t believe me? Then you clearly never saw Zoolander 2.

The saying is also true for reboots.

Just ask Charlie’s Angels, Aladdin, Ghostbusters, Dumbo, Point Break, The Mummy, Robocop, Ben Affleck as Batman, The Karate Kid, Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, any of the Godzilla movies, Fantastic 4, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Val Kilmer as Batman, The Wicker Man, Rollerball, Prom Night, The Pink Panther, George Clooney as Batman, Bad News Bears, and like a million more, most of which are Batman reboots.

All except for A Star Is Born. That reboot was actually awesome. Granted it was like the 19th time it had been remade, but how can you go against Bradley Cooper, Lady Gaga, and that golden retriever.

So why am I bringing up reboots? Because the Tennessee Titans have gone Tinsel Town and dropped a reboot of their own. In fact, you might say a star is born. And that star is Derrick Lamar Henry Jr.

Before we go any farther, I should tell you that I love Derrick Henry. If you follow me on Twitter dot com, you may not have been able to tell, but it’s true.

In my unbiased opinion, Derrick Henry is a top 5 running back in the NFL. In my biased opinion, he’s a top 3 running back in the NFL. And in my extremely biased opinion, he’s the greatest football player to ever play the game.

You can call me crazy or obsessed, but his numbers over the last 16 games back me up.

Although here’s the thing, kids these days may not realize Derrick Henry is actually just a reboot of an older running back named Edward Nathan George Jr.

If for some reason you don’t know who Eddie George is, you’re either not a Titans fan and/or haven’t seen a Titans hype video from the last 5 years. If that’s the case, just know Derrick Henry is a shot-for-shot remake of Eddie George.

Allow me to explain.

Let’s start with the obvious. Both men are 6-foot, 3-inches tall. Both men have Heisman Trophies on their mantels and get to star in Nissan Heisman House commercials for the rest of time. Oh, and both men look like walking vending machines. And that’s not a knock. In fact, vending machines are probably easier to tackle.

Seriously, they look like the illegitimate children of a Peterbilt and a rhinoceros. The two of them can barely fit in photos together.

pic via TitansOnline.com

On top of that, both men are deceptively fast. Now, I know the phrase “deceptively fast” is often reserved for the Adam Humphries, the Eric Deckers, or the Drew Bennetts of the world (cough white guys cough), but it’s true for both Eddie and Henry. Mainly because you wouldn’t expect a Brinks truck to be able to go zero to 60 the way these armored trucks do. No one looks at a battle tank and expects it to outrace a Porsche.

I’m pretty sure Derrick Henry ran a 4.15 forty time at the Combine. Don’t look it up. Just trust me on that. And Eddie would’ve run around the same time if they didn’t measure forty times with Casio watches back in the ’90s.

The comparisons go even deeper though.

If you look at years 3 and 4 of each of these men’s careers, they’re eerily similar. In 1998 and 1999, Eddie George played in 32 games, rushed 664 times for 2,598 yards, 3.9 yards per carry. In 2018 and 2019, Derrick Henry has played in 28 games (still 4 left this season), rushed 447 times for 2199 yards, 4.9 yards per carry. It’s fair to note that Henry accomplished those numbers in an era where the NFL has gone extremely pass happy, hence the number of carries.

Eddie George was used a lot. One of the biggest jokes about the early part of Jeff Fisher’s career was that his teams ran the ball too much. Derrick Henry, however, has not been that fortunate, at least not until he burst onto the scene with his 238 yard, 4 touchdown performance against Jacksonville in Week 12 last year. Prior to that game, his offensive coordinator (cough Matt LaFleur cough) often times opted to hand the ball off to backup tight ends named Luke Stocker on 4th and goal from the 1.

(People don’t forget, LaFleur.)

In fact, you could argue Derrick Henry is the Windows 10 to Eddie George’s Windows ’95. Both were great for their time, it’s just the newer model is a little better because of the advancements in technology. And running backs.

Both men excel at striking fear into the minds of their opponents. Eddie George would do so by lowering his muscular frame (only 3% body fat… don’t ask me how I know that) and running over any human that would get in his way. Derrick Henry strikes fear by doing the same, but also, by flashing creepy smiles while making these runs.

Imagine late in the 4th quarter, you’re tired, you’re sore, you just want to go home, and all of a sudden you see this creepily smiling behemoth running straight at you.

You know how a lot of times movies will be re-released for their 20th anniversary, only this time with extra bonus features? Derrick Henry is the 20th anniversary edition of Eddie George, but with extra bonus features.

He’s bigger, he’s faster, he’s stronger, he shows more skin, and he comes equipped with a T-Rac tail hanging out the back of his helmet.

Eddie George is one of the greatest Titans of all time. It’s no coincidence most of the franchise’s successful seasons came when #27 was lined up in the backfield. I didn’t have a Twitter account in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, but if I did, I’m sure many people would’ve unfollowed me with the amount of Eddie George stanning I would’ve done.

So when I say that Derrick Henry is an Eddie George reboot, I mean that as the utmost praise. For both of them. The more Eddie George touched the ball, the more success the Titans had (see: Titans at Colts in the 2000 AFC Divisional Round), and the more the Titans give Derrick Henry the rock, the more success they’re finding. If they haven’t started already, Nissan Stadium will soon be chanting “HENRY! HENRY! HENRY!” to the tune of “EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE!”

Only time will tell if Derrick Henry will one day be cast as Julius Cesar in an off-broadway play.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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