Saturday, June 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Dear Week Zero, Stop Being A Thing.

Week Zero is the biggest tease in all of sports. It’s worse than NFL pre-season football. It’s the sports equivalent of sitting through a time-share presentation so you can get a free vacation and meal. You know the free vacation is within reach, but for now you’re going to have to sit through a meeting with an over-caffeinated salesman—or in college football terms, Wyoming vs. Illinois.

Now granted, my love for college football has waxed and waned over the years. I’ve always gravitated toward professional sports over collegiate, so I may not be best suited to make a judgment call here. However, in the proverbial sports desert that is “Mid-To-Late August”, Week Zero seems immediately appealing because it’s the first weekend of live football that actually matters.

Except it doesn’t.

If you can name one team that played yesterday that will play in their conference championship, I’ll eat my words. Sure we got a close one between Nebraska and Northwestern, but unless you’re a die-hard fan of either of those teams, does anyone really care?

Look, don’t sweat it. I’ve got three ideas for how to better spend your Week Zero Saturday next year if you, like me, spent it watching irrelevant college football games yesterday.

1. Go To The Pool

Now this may not be an option for our Northernmost states where temps are already dropping into the 60’s, but dammit, it’s still summer! Why would you spend a free Saturday watching Nevada v. New Mexico State when you can soak up some rays with your friends? In the next couple of weeks both your Saturdays and Sundays will be spent watching football that matters. Week Zero could be your last real chance to enjoy the pool.

2. Catch ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ on TNT

Look, it’s been out for eight years now, and you’ve been meaning to get to it. It’s on TNT pretty much every day. Week Zero Saturday is the perfect opportunity to finally check it off your watch list. It’s either that or Vanderbilt v. Hawaii.

3. Take a Nap

Now I recognize that taking a nap on a football Saturday or Sunday is pretty much a tradition for most people. If you’re like me though, you have a hard time making that happen when a game is on that even remotely has your attention. I did not find it to be a problem yesterday while Florida State v. Duquesne was on though. For those of you who want to nap, but struggle with it, take Week Zero next year to get a quality one in.

Week One is next week. Hang in there, people.


Kenny lives in Austin, TX and is one of the co-hosts of the CineBoiz Podcast. When he isn’t talking about or watching movies he can be found kicking it with Mickie the Dog and re-watching the Kansas City Chiefs win Super Bowl 54 for the 25th time.