Cowboys Are Starting *Checks Notes* Ben DiNucci At QB, So Let’s Break Down His LinkedIn Profile

The Dallas Cowboys’ new starting quarterback is some kid named Ben DiNucci, who I image was plucked from whatever Italian restaurant Jerry Jones was dining at when he learned Andy Dalton would not be able to play this Sunday.

Ben DiNucci isn’t just young, but he’s also really young. He’s a 23-year-old rookie who was drafted in the 7th round out of James Madison University. And this might come as a surprise (read: it won’t), but he’s the first JMU grad to start at quarterback in NFL history.

DiNucci’s so green, he’s still got a LinkedIn profile set up, in what I imagine to be the off-chance this whole pro football thing doesn’t work out. So in a way to learn more about DiNucci, we figured we’d pick apart his LinkedIn profile.

Header

DiNucci’s profile pic looks very professional, but that smirk on his face tells me he’s ready to get hired by some financial advisory firm, but spend 8 hours a day perusing Barstool while he should be managing your accounts.

Also, the lack of a banner image on his profile is a major red flag to prospective employers. Especially for someone his age. If a boomer lacks a banner image, I get it. But anyone who’s grown up in the digital age should never have a sparse portion of a profile. Sad.

Also, not to connection shame here, but only 151 connections? As the quarterback of an FCS powerhouse football program? Another bad sign. Not to go all Kevin Costner in Draft Day, but if no one’s showing up to his birthday party, he’s probably not a great leader.

Lastly, shout out Pittsburgh. I’m sure A.D. loves seeing that.

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About

First of all, my man really needs to update his About section. Currently a senior communications major? Um, try again, chief. Your currently the next man to get destroyed in the Final Destination movie that is the Cowboys’ quarterback room.

I also love his degree choices from JMU. They just scream, “I played college football.” You don’t get more generic than a senior comm major with a minor in general business. More impressive than general studies, I guess?

Another thing: it’s good he clarified that he played on the varsity football team. Does James Madison have a junior varsity team? Does any college have a J.V. team?

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Eduction

Ok, we get it Ben DiNucci. You went to James Madison. Jeeze, I can’t imagine James Madison bragging this much about James Madison University. And a stint at the University of Pittsburgh? Damn, A.D.’s really gonna love this guy. Hashtag hail to Pitt.

Love the fact that he volunteered with FCA on a trip to Haiti, but he better keep this intel private from Jerry Jones or he won’t be a Cowboy for very long. Jerry prefers his players to spend their free time getting into legal trouble, maybe by throwing their girlfriends onto futons full of guns.

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Skills & Endorsements

And there it is. Is it really a LinkedIn profile if you don’t mention that you’re prolific in Microsoft Word and Excel? No.

It’s also good to add that one of your skills is leadership. We were worried after the whole 151 connections thing. Ya know, Draft Day theory.

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Accomplishments & Interests

Ah, yes. Always important to list speaking English as an accomplishment. C’mon man. You’re a college graduate, not Brendan Fraser in Encino Man.

And again, once more for good measure, another reference to James Madison. Drink.

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Look, I’m not sure how the Ben DiNucci experiment is going to turn out in Dallas, but if it doesn’t work, at least he’s proficient in Microsoft Office.