Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Colonel Reb, You’ll Be Ole Missed

I am not making this stuff up… This has been documented.

Laugh it up SEC fans. While Kentucky was beating up on the worst team in the conference and Florida was somehow finding another way to underachieve, Tennessee was getting dominated by a 5-8 bean pole named “Dexter“. However, the last laugh may be on Ole Miss thanks to their yankee chancellor, Dan Jones.

This past week, Chancellor Jones decided to remove one of Mississippi’s favorite fight songs From Dixie With Love due to the “South will rise again” chant at the end of the song. He has also not allowed the Ole Miss mascot, Colonel Reb, to participate in any more sporting events due to his obvious plantation owner look. Now, word has it that the Chancellor is wanting to change the name and mascot of the current “Ole Miss Rebels” to the “University of Mississippi ______.”

Rivals.com quickly got a hold of this info and has already given the fans a few options. Some are a little far fetched, but at least they are better than some creepy old man. So here are the current Top 5 candidates for the future mascot of Ole Miss:

#5 The Mississippi Cheetahs?
This one probably makes the most sense, being that Mississippi is full of Cheetahs. Oh wait, that’s Africa. Yeah, this one is random as heck, but at least Chester Cheetah is a way cooler dude than Colonel Reb.

#4 The Mississippi Mavericks
I’m hoping someone out there got the Top Gun/Maverick reference. Anyways, this one is alright. I mean, everyone knows that Tom Cruise and Dirk Nowitzki are pretty cool.

#3 The Mississippi Muskrats
What is that?
That thing is uglier than someone that just fought Pacquiao. Please tell me that there is no way that this thing could seriously be the new mascot.

#2 The Mississippi Belles
Let’s just say that Ole Miss can “Be Our Guest” to use this one. I really feel like there is “Something There.” It’s a “Tale as Old As Time”… and I’m done with this joke.

#1 The Mississippi Mud Pies
Well, I thought that everything before this was bad, but it turns out that the voters are just plain retarded. This actually got almost half of the votes. But I will admit, Houston Nutt is sweet.

Sorry Ole Miss, it looks like you are either going to be stuck with a racist white dude or you will become the mockery of the SEC once again. But, hey, even if you are the Mud Pies, you will always be more gangster than these guys.

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