Monday, April 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

College Algebra

We would like to pose to you a math problem that you may never have conducted before. While watching the Kansas State Wildcats beat up on the Kansas Jayhawks, 84-68, we conducted a math problem (or a biology equation) for all of you to think about.

Here it is:

Question: What do you get when you take rapper/actor Mos Def and add him to Abraham Lincoln?

Answer: Kansas State point guard Jacob Pullen.

That’s right, Jacob Pullen is obviously the illegitimate child of Mos Def and Honest Abe. Try and think about that for a bit. Pretty crazy, huh? In fact, I’d be willing to bet that this Kansas State creation was brought to you by John Hammond or since it’s in Kansas, maybe those people who are all about turning corn into gasoline.

For those of you that claim, “But wait a minute, Abe Lincoln is dead. There is no way this theory is possible.” And to that I would respond with, “Really? Your first point to invalidate this scientific discovery is the fact that Abe is dead and not the fact that two male’s can not procreate with a female egg? When you attempt to prove a fact wrong, go with your strongest point first.”

And now, to answer your statement, “Uhhh… Dude… We live in the twenty-first century. We’ve already put a man on the moon, cloned a sheep, built an iPod, and sent someone to the future in a Delorean. I’m pretty sure we can bring a dead body back to life. Not to mention, do we even have proof that Abe Lincoln is dead? I mean yes he was shot in the back of the head. But who is to say he didn’t get up and walk out of the theater on his own accord. You know, when everyone was out chasing John Wilkes Booth.”


Welcome to Korked Bats – That Funny Sports Science Blog!


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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