Collect Some Cash! Here Are Gator’s Best NFL Picks On The Internet – Week 13

What a week we had in the NFL. The first game kicked off last Thursday morning, and the last one kicked off Wednesday afternoon. Wow! I checked the history books, and it is in fact the longest NFL week in the history of all-time. Unbelievable. I can’t stop screaming from behind the keyboard! Someone help! Here are my picks!

Jaguars @ Vikings (MIN – 10.5)

The Vikings looked to be poised to make a run at a third wild card spot. In order to pull that off, they’re probably going to have to win out. Good thing they have a bunch of cupcakes left on their schedule. The Jaguars are really good at losing close games. I think the Vikings win, but I don’t see a blowout. Let’s take the Vikings to win, but the Jags to cover.

PICK: Jaguars 23, Viking 27

Raiders @ Jets (LV – 8)

Look, are the Raiders going to make the playoffs? Probably. Are the Raiders going to win the Super Bowl? No. The Jets may truly be the worst team since the 0-16 Browns, but the Raiders are the type of team that could lose to a middle school JV team depending on the week. I really want the best for Chucky as a coach, but I don’t think the Jets are going 0-16 and this game makes the most sense for them to win. Sorry, Vegas, but you’re about to roll snake eyes. (Get it? Vegas pun.)

PICK: Raiders 23, Jets 24

Browns @ Titans (TEN – 5.5)

I’m so fricken tired of the Browns winning games. Usually when historically bad teams have great years, it’s easy to be happy for them. However this Browns team is different. Baker Mayfield is the worst quarterback in the league, and he doesn’t even have a likable personality. At least with Johnny Manziel, you knew he was a frat bro who cared more about drinking than actually playing. Mayfield feels like that, but less reluctant to just admit it. He just seems like a hardass. He’s really not likable, and I’m tired of the media trying to force him on us. The Browns would be 8-3 with me at quarterback with their defense. Hopefully he catches longterm COVID or something. Then again, given the HULU commercials he chose to be in, he clearly already lost his taste.

PICK: Browns 12, Titans 34

Lions @ Bears (CHI -3)

Welp, we got Matt Patrica fired. You’re welcome, Detroit. Our next task is to get rid of that pesky Nagy for Chicago. Yes, he said Foles was hurt last week against Green Bay, but he still went back to Trubisky after benching him in Week 3. Horrible look. After the Bears lose to the Lions at home, he’ll probably be the next coach to be shown the door. I’ll say you’re welcome next week, Chicago.

PICK: Lions 26, Bears 24

Saints @ Falcons (NO -2.5)

After being handed a win by the NFL, the Saints are in position to be the #1 seed in the NFC. However, they are stacking up the bad karma which is a dangerous game. From not starting Jameis Winston to allowing the Broncos to play with no quarterbacks, I foresee trouble in New Orleans, and it starts in Atlanta. Falcons with the upset win! (Plus, the Saints just always have bad luck. See: Stefon Diggs, non-pass interference, Drew Brees’ birthmark, etc.)

PICK: Saints 27 Falcons 28

Bengals @ Dolphins (MIA -11.5)

In the bleh game of the week, the Dolphins face off with the Bengals. What could have been a matchup between Burrow and Tua is instead Fitzpatrick vs. some scrub I didn’t bother to look up. I don’t think this game is being offered anywhere outside of the Miami and Cincinatti markets, so fortunately people won’t have to watch this snooze fest. Nothing more to say about this stinker.

PICK: Bengals 13, Dolphins 34

Colts @ Texans (IND -3.5)

OOF. The Colts got smashed by the Titans. Will they be able to right the ship against the Texans? I say no! This is the game that will probably derail the Colts playoff chances as the Texans look to be a dangerous game. It’s going to go down to the wire, but I’m taking Watson over Rivers.

PICK: Colts 22, Texans 28

Rams @ Cardinals (LAR – 2.5)

Two weeks ago, the Cardinals had sealed a miraculous last second win against the Bills to put them at the top of the NFC West. Now they’ve lost two straight and seem to be plummeting out of the playoff race. It also seems that Kyler Murray’s MVP campaign is going to wind up being a bit short. Vertically challenged jokes aside, if the Cardinals are legit, they’ll win this one. Here’s hoping they are, cause we’re riding with them.

PICK: Rams 34, Cardinals 37

Giants @ Seahawks (SEA – 10)

In the world sports gambling, the Seahawks made a lot of enemies Monday night. Up 14 with 20 seconds left, the Seahawks seemed to be locks to cover the 6.5 spread against the Eagles. What made things more interesting was that 95% of the public had bet on the Seahawks and the sportsbooks were about to take a humongous loss. However, as everyone knows, the house always wins. The Eagles pulled off a miracle hail mary, and then for absolutely no reason went for two. The meaningless 8 points led to the Eagles only losing by 6 and covering the spread… Oops. They don’t cover this week either.

PICK: Giants 23, Seahawks 32

Eagles @ Packers (GB – 8.5)

Oh boy, the Eagles are not doing so hot. It appears as though Doug Pederson has screwed up Wentz, and the team gets worse every week. It’s hard to talk about. Excuse me while I go sob it out in the bathroom…………. Ok, I’m back. Despite all the evidence pointing the other way, we’re taking the Birds because we have to.

PICK: Eagles 27, Packers 20

Chargers @ Patriots (LAC -1)

The Patriots beat the Cardinals last week with Cam Newton literally throwing for under 100 yards with multiple interceptions… I don’t know how they pulled that off because I have basic cable in the Philadelphia region and was stuck watching Colt McCoy lead the Giants to a nail-biting victory over the Burrow-less Bengals. Thanks NFL. Anyways, I’m gonna predict that Newton throws for over 100 yards this game and the Pats pull off a slight upset.

PICK: Chargers 24, Patirots 27

Broncos @ Chiefs (KC -13.5)

I demand justice for the Broncos! The Ravens contract COVID cases and their game gets pushed back 6 days, the Bronco’s entire quarterback room doesn’t even get it (was only exposed to someone who did) and they’re forced to play a game with no quarterback. The Broncos aren’t likely to make the playoffs, but they essentially had to forfeit against the Saints. That’s not cool NFL. Do better.

PICK: Broncos 13, Chiefs 35

Football Team @ Steelers (PIT – 8.5)

The Steelers are probably the worst 11-0 team of all time. Now there is no such thing as an easy win in the NFL, but they’ve really haven’t played any good teams. Looking at the rest of their schedule, there’s a good chance that they’ll go 16-0, but what happens when they have to face Mahomes in the playoffs? I like the Steelers to win this week, but once again it won’t be done in impressive style.

PICK: Football Team 20, Steelers 23

Bills @ 49ers (BUF -1)

The two scrappiest teams face off this week in San Francisco, Santa Clara, Glendale? As of now the 49ers are a team without a home, and seem to be couch surfing around the west coast. Hopefully they don’t have to move anymore, but if they do, I have a suggestion. They should rent a cruise ship and install a turf field on the boat. Then they can play in the middle of the sea! That would be exciting! Football on water. I’m here for it.

PICK: Bills 31, 49ers 23

Cowboys @ Ravens (BAL -7)

The one bright spot of this year continues to be the Dallas Cowboys. Just when it seemed Thanksgiving was ruined, Dallas swept in to bring joy with the most epic fake punt fail of all time. Never before has one single play led to an entire team giving up, but this fake punt truly took the life out of Dallas. They proceeded to give up 21 unanswered points to an offense led by Alex Smith. The guy who got replaced by Colin Kaepernick a decade ago. LOL. Can’t wait for them to lose again.

PICK: Cowboys 10, Ravens 31