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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Colin Kaepernick To Miss 1-2 Games With Severe Upper Body Rash

Colin KaepernickSAN FRANCISCO — San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is expected to miss 1-2 games after suffering a severe rash on his upper body area.

“I guess I need to start wearing a shirt underneath my shoulder pads or something,” Kaepernick told reporters. “Who knew those shoulder pads could irritate the skin like this.”

The 49ers medical staff, who is mainly composed of young women, asked to examine Kaepernick’s rash a bit more closely. Sources say he was asked to strip down to his underwear before entering the medical room, and was examined for over 3 hours. “They kept sensually rubbing my abs, asking me, ‘Does this hurt? Does this hurt?'” Kaepernick explained. “But I kept trying to tell them that my rash was around my chest and shoulders.”

“I’m still unsure why they had candles lit all over the room too,” Kaepernick said.

This rash seems to be a rare case, as other quarterbacks around the league, including Russell Wilson, haven’t developed a rash. However, Seahawks team doctors did admit that Wilson has developed a severe case of bad haircut.

The 49ers’ front office expects Kaepernick to return to full strength and be running all over the Packers’ defense and wearing Miami Dolphins flat bills again in no time.

Doctors say the swelling in Kaepernick’s nose is unrelated to this rash.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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