Chiefs Super Bowl Parade To Include Bandwagon Full of Ex-Patriots Fans

KANSAS CITY, KS sorry, MO — The Kansas City Chiefs’ Super Bowl parade takes place this morning and team officials confirm the parade line will include a bandwagon full of ex-Patriots fans.

“We really wanted to honor the fans that have stuck with us through the good and the bad over the past 4 weeks, since the Patriots lost in the playoffs,” Chiefs Owner Clark Hunt said. “Many of them can remember all the way back to when we trailed by 24 points to Houston.”

The parade bandwagon will include many different types of Patriots fans. Everyone from former Warriors fans who just bought their Chiefs hats last week to Crimson Tide fans who claim to have been following Patrick Mahomes since he went to Alabama.

This parade has been a long time coming for Chiefs fans.

“I haven’t been this excited since Duke won in 2015, the Cubs won in 2016, and the Patriots won in 2017 and last year,” self-proclaimed die hard Chiefs fan Craig Pullman said, wiping a lone tear from his eye.

The parade route plans to start at Arrowhead so ex-Pats and now Chiefs fans can see the stadium for the first time.

“I have been so excited to be a part of this amazing run,” former Patriots fan Vince Tooley said. “I finally get to put my Warriors hat and Nationals jersey aside for a day to rock my new Chiefs gear! Go Chiefs!”

“I’m proud to say I’m a proud member of Chiefs Empire,” Tooley said before awkwardly Tomahawk chopping and humming the theme to Lord of the Rings. When asked what was his favorite thing about being a Chiefs fan, Tooley said, “At the end of the national anthem, when all of us die-hard Chiefs fans collectively say CHEESE!”

Parade organizer Sharon Martin has been very excited about the parade. “We are thrilled to showcase the hoards of former Patriots fans who have bought Patrick Mahomes jerseys in the last week or so,” Martin said.

“Plus, our parade will be the first championship parade to include balloons like you see during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade,” Martin said while pointing at Andy Reid.

No official word yet if fans will be allowed to bring dead relatives who also “loved” the Chiefs onto the bandwagon, as that would make the parade kind of a bummer.

“I wish my grandpa could’ve been here to see this,” Chiefs fan David Boclair said while holding back tears. “He’s not dead. He’s just been stuck in traffic on I-435 since Monday.”

Local officials hope this year’s parade fares better than the Chiefs last Super Bowl parade which ended in hundreds of naked hippies blocking the parade route protesting the Vietnam War or something. Officials still don’t understand why they had to be naked to protest.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter (which he apparently thought was important enough to share here). He also wears pants everyday.


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