Brandon Inge Didn’t Win: KB’s Home Run Derby Notes

Last night was the Home Run Derby. Or as I liked to call it, the Base Hit Marathon. The contest itself was very anti-climatic. It was like the movie, The Fifth Element. Long and not worth watching.

However, in watching the whole thing I came up with a few notes about what I saw on ESPN last night. This is what I noticed:

• Brandon Inge hit zero home runs.
• He did not win.
• Why aren’t there any big named guys (other than Albert Pujols, and he only did it because it was in St. Louis) competing in the Derby? Don’t get me wrong though, there is nothing in the world that I would rather see than Nelson Cruz, Carlos Pena, Joe Mauer, and Adrian Gonzalez try and hit more than a handful of homers. Gah, it’s like the MLB tried to find anyone who “wasn’t busy” last night to compete.
• Way to let the entire city of St. Louis down, Albert. 11 home runs in two rounds at your home park? Please… Josh Hamilton did that before recording 7 outs last year.
• The biggest hit of the night wasn’t Prince Fielder’s 503 footer. The biggest hit of the night was Erin Andrews. Aye-bah-bee!
• I’d like to note that the finals consisted of two former Triple-A Nashville Sounds players. Way to rep the Music City, boys!
• Speaking of Music City minor league baseball, the other night was Ryan Braun bobblehead night at the stadium. I decided not to go. I regret that decision.
• That last bullet point has nothing to do with relevance to this post.
• I hit as many home runs as Brandon Inge did last night.
• Not to take away from the Derby, but I feel like there should be way more emphasis on the Celebrity Softball Game. Now THAT is unexpected entertainment! It’s the only time of the year Rob Schneider produces a hit. ZING!
• Why not include an MLB Skills Competition? The NHL has one, the NBA has one, the NFL has the QB Challenge… I’m just sayin’.
• The Skills Competition could consist of: bunting, diving catches, home run steals, most fielding plays without an error (Better luck next year, Knoblauch), ground rule doubles, who can swing a bat with the most donuts on it, sliding, spitting, how close can you get to the umpire while yelling at him without touching him, pine tar application, walk off hit celebrations, bat flipping, base running speed, cutest kid, ankle and elbow guard removal speed, and helmet flip. Just to name a few.
• Has Brandon Inge hit a home run yet?
• Miguel Tejada’s kid got a little face time on ESPN. Then again, I call him a kid, but according to his actual birth certificate he is 24 years old. Like father like son, I guess?
• Can someone please find me a lawnmower that can mow the Old St. Louis Court House into my front lawn like it was in centerfield last night?
• Since Brandon Inge didn’t make a home run, they should have pitched him the blue balls for the ninth out. (Innuendo)
• How do the kids that field the balls in the outfield get selected? Do they have tryouts? Tryouts for the LEAST ATHLETIC kids in the country?!
• Brandon Inge doesn’t have enough syllables in his last name to hit a home run.
• Steve Phillips said last night: “Joe Mauer is about the most polite Major Leaguer you will ever meet.” Thanks for that valuable insight, Steve. Too bad this wasn’t a Cotillion Derby.

• During the Derby, I registered at disney.com/grandslam for a chance to win a FREE ticket to the new movie, “G-Force“, if anyone hits a grand slam in tonight’s All-Star Game.
• I don’t think I will even go to see “G-Force”. Even if I win a free ticket.
• I’d say it’s pretty safe to say that Brandon Inge won’t hit the grand slam tonight.
• Did anyone think that ESPN’s Ball Tracker was cool at all? Because I didn’t.
• I felt like I was watching Halley’s Comet with Parkinson’s disease everytime someone hit a home run.
• Was that form of technology even necessary? Did people have trouble finding the ball in previous years? I mean cut us some slack, ESPN, you’re viewing audience isn’t the same group of people who subscribe to Reader’s Digest Large Print Edition.
• Dear Jayson Werth, You didn’t earn your spot in this year’s All-Star game. You’re manager picked you in. That’s like the coaches son getting picked for the Little League All Star team because his dad wanted him in. You are not a true All Star. Love, and Matt Kemp and Pablo Sandoval.
  
• COUGH, COUGH, can’t breathe, COUGH, COUGH! (Sorry, I just Brandon Inged.)
• I feel like a ground rule double should count for half of a home run… No?
• Why were guys batting without hats last night? Is that the cool thing now-a-days? I guess I’m not on the “in” with what’s cool and what’s not.
• Brandon Inge should blame his lack of home runs on the economy.

Those were some things I thought about while watching the 2009 State Farm Home Run Derby. Congratulations to the 2009 Winner, Prince Fielder.

I can’t wait till tonight’s All Star Game… Because according to FOX, “This Time It Counts!”

Shouldn’t they be saying: “It Is Counting Again This Year!” or heck, even: “Obama Is Throwing Out The First Pitch And Will Be In The Broadcasters Booth During The Game!” That oughta up the viewership by another couple million or so. I mean, jeeze, ESPN has been reporting all day that Obama is going to warm up sometime today before throwing out the first pitch. WHO GIVES A HOOT?

And finally, Brandon Inge… Better luck next year. (If there is a next year)