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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Brad Pitt Likes Eating: A Power Ranking Of The 10 Best Times We’ve Seen Him Eat

I was perusing the Instagram the other day, as one tends to do while sitting on the couch watching Netflix. I tapped on the first circle in the top left corner of my screen to watch some of the stories people were posting. I came across a video of someone watching Moneyball, which is now on Netflix. Their caption to the video was “Why is Brad Pitt always eating?” It is honestly a great question. How much do we see our favorite Mizzou dropout eating on the silver screen?

The answer?

A lot.

So much so, that I’m pretty sure it’s written in all of his contracts that he has to have at least one scene where food enters his mouth. I can’t prove the validity of this claim, so let me lay out the top ten scenes we see Brad Pitt eating in to validate my theory.  

10. Ocean’s 12 – Doritos

Our first scene comes to us from the second installment of everyone’s favorite heist series, Ocean’s 12. We catch Brad Pitt on the phone with his compadres going over some plans. As he sits, hunched over what I believe to be a small table, we notice he is putting some sort of tortilla chip in his mouth. I have to believe these are Cool Ranch Doritos due to the fact that you see (and hear) him lick the chip dust off of his fingers before he goes for another one. Only psychopaths like me would do this with the salt off of a regular tortilla. This scene is the first of many making the list that help me relate to Brad Pitt.

9. Moneyball – French Fries

Let me admit something to you up front. Moneyball is my second favorite movie of all time. So, there might be a bias factor here. But Moneyball has a ridiculous amount of great eating scenes. I’d honestly like to know if Billy Beane actually eats this much. Anyway, this scene makes the cut because of the randomness of it all. We catch the coaching staff meeting with Brad Pitt to talk about the validity of Andy Dwyer playing first base. There should be zero validity to this. Ron Washington should have pointed out the fact that he fell into a pit. No wonder Tony La Russa ran circles around him in the 2011 World Series. Back to the point. In this scene, there is zero need for Brad to take a couple of fries, dunk them in ketchup, and partake. But here we are. And I love it. This is the type of scene that would be hard to argue against when used as evidence for my contract theory.

8. Moneyball – Nuts

And BAM! Back-to-back Moneyball clips. My heart tells me 8 is too low for this one, but Brad has a high standard for getting paid to eat. This scene comes to you by way of Billy Beane sitting in Mark Shapiro’s office up in Cleveland, negotiating some trades. In this scene, it feels like its Billy against the world. I don’t know exactly how many Cleveland Indian employees are surrounding Brad’s character in this office, but it’s almost like he’s Tyler Durden again, in the middle of the brawling circle of Fight Club. Shapiro seems to be taking a negotiating play out of the book of most of the guys in my fantasy football league. You know, the one where you negotiate trades but only have the intention of trading if you are the clear winner. To ease the awkwardness, Brad reaches into the crystal dish on the desk, scoops some nuts, and pops them in his mouth. Everyone knows, those are for show, not for actual eating. I honestly have to believe this was unscripted and just a reaction for Brad Pitt. Brad sees food. Brad eats food. That’s how legends are made.

7. Ocean’s Eleven – Burger

I think Ocean’s Eleven was Brad Pitt’s breakout role for food. This flick is when heads really started to turn and notice the amount of food he likes to eat. While we didn’t have to wait until the final scene to see him devour carbs, sweets, cheese or even rabbit food in this movie, the final scene is one of my favorites of him chowing down. He’s standing outside of a prison in a Ted Nugent-looking suit, waiting for the Cloon Dog to be released. Now, I’ve never had to stand outside of a state penitentiary to wait for my buddy to be released, but if I ever have to, you best believe I will be a.) dressed like Ted Nugent, and b.) comping on a bacon cheese burger. Thank you for the blueprint, Brad. Now I know what to do in that situation.

6. Meet Joe Black – Peanut Butter

All The Times Brad Pitt Eating Food In Movies Was Slow, Sexy Torture

Peanut. Butter. Man. I am a peanut butter man. And so is Brad Pitt. Yet another scene that shows how Brad Pitt eating is the only thing that makes him relatable to me, and I’ll hold on to that as hard as I can. The best way to eat peanut butter is by the spoonful. It’s undeniable. The way I look at Brad Pitt licking the peanut butter off of the spoon is exactly how I imagine my wife looks at me. The difference here is that I don’t have chiseled features and an offshore bank account. But I do eat peanut butter like Brad Pitt, and isn’t that really enough?

5. Kalifornia – Chinese Food

Have you seen the movie Kalifornia? No? Same. But I’ll tell you what I have seen. I’ve seen the clip of him throwing down some Chinese takeout. You know how people will shame you for using a fork instead of chop sticks? Well, from here on out, if you don’t eat your Chinese food Brad Pitt Style, I will shame YOU! What is Brad Pitt Style?  It’s no utensils at all. Just take that cardboard box and dump it straight into your pie hole the way the good Lord intended us to eat. I can’t tell you if Kalifornia is worth watching, but this scene being number 5 on my list might make me check it out.

4. Moneyball – Popcorn

The Brad Pitt Rules - The Ringer

You know an underrated use of a coffee filter? A bowl for popcorn. You know the second-best way to eat popcorn? Stress eating it. What is the absolute best way to eat it? In a movie theatre, watching Brad Pitt stress eat popcorn out of a coffee filter. We get to witness that in Moneyball. Also, the irony of what makes this eating scene so great is actually the opposite of eating. It’s the moment the phone rings, and instead of finishing what he started, Brad spits the popcorn out onto the floor. As a purebred popcorn enthusiast, it makes me shutter at the thought of wasted popcorn. As a fan of watching Brad Pitt eat, watching him spit out food is almost more entertaining. 

3. Ocean’s Eleven – Shrimp Cocktail

I’ve already stated how Ocean’s Eleven is Brad’s head turner when it comes to eating on the screen. Well, this scene shows his commitment level to the craft. We watch Brad Pitt and Matt Damon standing in a lobby of a hotel casino, scoping out the logistics. This scene is supposed to be the introduction of Julia Roberts. She is supposed to be the show stopper. The head turner. The shiny object. How do you think Julia Roberts felt to be out shined by a glass (or plate, depending on the angle) of shrimp cocktail? And it’s not just the shrimp cocktail. It’s the towel on Brad’s forearm. This scene is a master at work. Daniel Day-Lewis wishes he could commit to his characters the way Brad commits to the art of eating.

2. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood – Mac and Cheese

You want to talk about relatability? There is nothing on this planet more relatable than eating Kraft Mac n’ Cheese straight from the pot. I am convinced that this scene wasn’t actually supposed to originally make the movie. Here is what really happened. Quentin Tarentino just randomly popped into Brad Pitt’s trailer one day, caught him feeding his pup and making Mac and Cheese. He had been testing new creative ways to shoot movies earlier that day and accidentally left his body cam on and filmed the whole thing. When he got to the editing floor, he watched Brad being Brad and loved it so much that he decided to put it in the movie. The only thing that would have made this more relatable would have been if Brad had eaten the Mac and Cheese with the wooden spoon. Because everyone knows that Kraft Mac and Cheese tastes better off of a wooden spoon.

1. Moneyball – Twinkie

You know how people will point to a scene and say “That was his/her Oscar scene. That is what got him/her nominated.” Some people might say for Brad Pitt in Moneyball it was the scene where he lectures the team about what losing sounds like. Or maybe it was the scene where he teaches Jonah Hill how to cut a player. I see those scenes and I raise you the Twinkie scene. He’s just traded away his best player and a player who he has less respect for than the janitors who had to clean up his popcorn. Feeling a rush of adrenaline, he does what any red-blooded American would have done. He grabs a Twinkie. He takes a bite. It’s a normal bite. A fair bite. But here is where the real craft of eating comes in. He then proceeds to shove the three-fourths of Twinkie left in his mouth. And he didn’t even use a stunt double. I’m pretty sure I stood up in the theater and cheered as a single tear dripped down my face. There is no better version of Brad Pitt eating the when he shoved the whole Twinkie in his mouth.

MOB is part of The Cineboiz Podcast, subscribe/listen here.

MOB

MOB lives in Nashville, Tennessee and is one of the co-hosts of The CineBoiz Podcast. Some would say he peaked in 3rd grade when he led his soccer team in scoring with 2 goals.

MOB

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