Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

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Boise State to Schedule Carolina Panthers and Cincinnati Bengals

In an attempt to garner more respect in future seasons, specifically from the BCS, Boise State University has scheduled home-away games with both the Carolina Panthers and the Cincinnati Bengals of the National Football League. Boise State, whose national title hopes were botched after a loss to Nevada on November 26th, is frequently the victim of scrutiny for supposedly scheduling “weak” teams and piling up wins as a result.

Boise State athletic director Gene Bleymaier held a press conference Friday afternoon and announced the following:

“In an attempt to consistently meet the excruciating standards set by the BCS and its demonic alliance, we are playing ball. We are going to try and schedule more difficult teams on a regular basis. And now, with the addition of both Carolina and Cincinnati to our schedules in 2012-2013, we have a 10 game regular season that consists of nothing but Bowl Subdivision opponents.”

BCS Executive Director Bill Hancock responded to Boise’s undertaking early this morning:

“While we appreciate Gene and Boise’s efforts, we were really looking for an upgrade in their opponents. Carolina and Cincinnati, let’s face it, are no Ohio State, Alabama or even Notre Dame.”

He continued:

“I mean, come on, at least all of Notre Dame’s games are televised. And attended.”

While most pundits agree this is a step in the right direction for Boise, Bleymaier seemed to stray off topic when asked about Director Bill Hancock.

“Hancock…” Bleymaier paused, “What a silly name.”


Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


One thought on “Boise State to Schedule Carolina Panthers and Cincinnati Bengals

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    December 7, 2010 at 4:18 am

    Haha I love this article because I am SEC biased and hate Boise’s lack of schedule. Boise would gain my respect, if one season they played one team from every major conference, including the Big East (I guess). Yes i know thats not possible, but if they were to run the table with a schedule like that well done. Then I will just whine that they don’t play SEC level all season and they are still inferior.


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